Day 30: Let the Countdown Begin

I am in the final stretch of my first 40 days... then 3 weeks off and my next 40 days.  I am a little scared about the three weeks because I will really have to make some conscious choices without the safe holds and guard rails.   In a way it almost feels like I moved out for the first time.  There is both excitement and nervousness.  My inner rebellious child keeps whispering treats into my ears and I want to make sure that she keeps her voice down. This is definitely going to be a balancing act on my part - finding that balance between healthy choices and tempting treats. 

I think that the biggest difference from when I started is that I KNOW this takes work, I KNOW this is a lifetime commitment but most importantly,  I KNOW this is possible.  The further into this journey I get, the less I want to turn around and go back the way I came.  Oh I know this is just the beginning.  This is not a quick walk around the block (WITHOUT stopping at the ice cream truck).  I also know that I had reached a point where I didn't even like me anymore.  I wanted to be anyone but me... AND right now today?  I think I pretty much rock.  :)

Let's be real... When you need to lose as much weight as I do... 30 pounds is nothing... but just wait until I hit 60!  Because it is GOING to happen!   I honestly can't tell you what I am more pleased about.  The actual weight loss or the fact that for a month now I have actually committed to this and stuck with it!! I honestly think it is the later.  I finally feel like I am gaining a foothold on the defeatist attitude that had smothered me for so long. Looking back now it was like being held under dark murky water with just a tiny measure of oxygen to sustain you. And you are taking the smallest amount of breath that you can to survive. Sometimes feeling dizzy and like the next breath you take will be your last. And then someone reaches out and pulls you out of the water and you take your first real breath in a long time. The sharp pain hits your lungs as you draw it in… but it is a good pain, a healing pain… and the pain reminds you that you are alive! 

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed"

John 8:36

 Can you smell it?  Can you feel it?  Freedom is come... Reach for it



Day 20: Monsters & Skeletons and Crap... OH MY!

(Update Below)

There comes a time in our lives when we have to make decisions and stick with them.... to let the past be exactly what it is (YOUR PAST) and let your future be something bright, fresh and new.  We think we are doing just that when a snafu comes along and hits a square in the face.... *SMACK* What?  Where did that come from??  This is not how I planned it!!!  This is NOT the way it is supposed to be!!!!  And your stunned like someone thew a jellyfish upside your head. 

Yesterday was an "I want chocolate, junk food and ice cream!!  Give it to me NOW!!" sort of day.  I really really really (did I mention really?) wanted to give up, throw in the towel, have myself a pity party and hide under the bed.  I know that I am not the only one that sometimes feels this way. Feeling this way is one thing... Choosing NOT to act on those feelings is harder than you think but more worth it than you know!!

Why do we get this way? Sometimes it is bad news, sometimes it's because something didn't go right with your kids, sometimes it's your health and sometimes?  It's your own hard-nosed stubbornness.  So what do you do?  I know!!!  You run as fast as you can and hide under the bed!!!  Wait!  Isn't that where the MONSTERS hide??  Well that isn't very safe!  So you run and hide in your closet... Oh Snap!!!  That's where the SKELETONS are!!!!  I know!!  Lock yourself in the bathroom!!  Crap!!  That's where the... well the... CRAP is.  THIS IS NOT working!!! 

For years I hated my middle name... there was nothing anyone could do to convince me it was anything special and it sounded so country that it made me crazy!!  LOUANN -  My brother's further escalated it to calling me "Christy Lou"  Which made me CRAZY!!  Then I learned what my name meant in Hebrew:'Graceful Battle Maiden'  How freaking cool is that?!?!?!  I am a graceful battle maiden!  (Picture 'Brave'... yep, that's me!!)

So maybe... just maybe it's time for me to stand and face them... EVERYTHING that is coming at me.  Stop hiding from it, stop running from it and STAND!!!  Pick up my sword and fight!!!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
                                                                                                                                   Deuteronomy 31: 6

So Stand!  Endure!!  Press on!!  Be Brave!!  And never give up!!
 

Update:  Drum Roll Please!!

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0  Yes you are seeing that correct.  I lost No Weight this week... 

Gasp!  Groan!!  What???  Yes dear readers now you understand why today was a really trying day.  I felt like: "What am I doing this for?"  But do not despair!!!  In spite of losing no actual weight, my doctor was very excited because I lost 2" and converted 5 lbs of fat to "lean" (love that word) muscle.  I am going to be very transparent and say that I almost counted that conversion as actual weight loss... I mean how do you do this and "not" lose???  But I want to be real... I want to be me, I want to be free!!!

Love ya all!!!