40 days (Week 1) - Part 2 - Here we go again!

So after 3 weeks of maintaining I am back on the next set of 40 days... Take a deep breath cause HERE WE GO AGAIN!!  :)  I have decided to make this a once a week blog for now - I may go back to daily and I will let you know if I decide to do so :)

Week one:  Went well... I am finding that I actually do very well under structure (Gasp!!  Me?  Creative, Free Spirit me?... well it's true) and that every day this is easier than I expected.  To date - I have lost 53 lbs and am starting to finally remember not just who I am, but the woman I want to be...

Oh I still have my bad days and I still have moments when I am feeling great and a single moment can send me crashing to the floor - but for the first time in a long time - I am not giving up!! 

You really have to understand - that this is not my nature - to keep pushing through, expecially when it is a personal goal.  Usually, well usually I just give up and walk away.  But I am learning that I am not the only one and that life is like that... At some point in the along the way, we get to a part where we hit a wall and want to give up. The real tragedy is that sometimes... somtimes we give up before we even start; And then other times we give up just before we are about to make that HUGE break-through that we have been trying so hard to obtain... Now I could barrage you with a huge list of reasons to never give up but let me tell you the single reason that change my life:

The # 1 Reason to never give up: 

You are unique and special

You feel discouraged and be tempted to walk away from your dreams, your goals, your job, your family, your marriage, etc. You may even have convincing reasons why you should give up. But honestly, do you have any idea just how special you are? Whether you realize it or not, you are the only you there will ever be.  That is exactly why you are so special.  Think about the last time you just focused on how special you are, because I promise you, if you focus long enough,  you will have no reason to give up on your dreams, your goals, youself. The talents, skills, determination is what sets you apart and makes you the person you are.  Would you expect the people you love around you to just give up?  No you would encourage them to try just a little bit harder - to keep going.  So encourage yourself. 



And remember - It's not over til the Fat Lady sings

Be Blessed!!

Day 40: Time to Celebrate!

Update at the bottom!!

 

Well my dear dear readers - this is it... Day 40, the end of the first of leg of my journey, but just the beginning of my new life.  I will taking a break and most likely blogging only once a week for the next 3 weeks and then will be back in full steam when I start my next 40 day journey.  

Thank you for every moment of cheering, every word of encouragement, every hug, every tear shared, every laugh exchanged... You have been a huge part of of my success whether you realize it or not.  You see life should be lived like a community, not alone.  I am blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people and I encourage you to do the same.  Get rid of those people that make you feel bad about yourself, that make you doubt yourself, that make you want to give up and gather around yourself, cheerleaders, people who believe in you and are willing to do what it takes to encourage you.  Huddle together, plan together, hug together.  Live!!

I leave you with this:   

There is no victory without celebrating... Remember that. 

See you soon!!!  :)

My total weight loss at day 40 is:  39.4 lbs!!!

Day 39: The Bigger Congregation

So about five years ago, when I was living in Vegas, this lady at my church walked up to me and said:

Her: "Do you know that the Bible says our bodies our temples?"

Me: "Yes I do"

Her: "Then why don't you take better care of yours?"

Me: "Well our bodies are temples... mine just holds a larger congregation"

I laughed and walked away... then?  I went into the ladies bathroom and just cried.  Was she right?  Ab-so-stinking-lutely - Did it make it hurt any less?  NO!  Maybe if this has been someone I had a relationship with, someone that was a consistent part of my life, but it was someone I barely knew so it hurt even more.  We expect our friends to love us enough to be honest with us, but we don't expect "Godly" strangers to be so rude. 

Here's the thing, moments like this were a huge factor of not wanting to even try anymore.  I had reached a point where I just gave up. Now, living here in beautiful San Diego, why would I continue to do that do myself?  The land of beautiful beaches, wind surfing and fun!!!  And here I was hiding behind the words of people... Letting them blanket me into layers of excuses for being stagnant in my own life.

I am telling you this story, not because I need your pity, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because I know that I am not the only one this has happened to.  Any maybe, just maybe... someone out there needs to realize that you can break free, you can change your destiny and most of all that you are not alone.  That in spite of the dark around you... the morning will come and the light will chase away the shadows.  Change is never easy but it is possible!!!  VERY POSSIBLE!!  

" Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, that God gave you, and that he lives within you? Your body does not belong to you. For God has bought you with a great price. Therefore, use every part of your body to give glory back to God, because He owns it."

1 CORINTHIANS 6:19

 It is so easy to life in the land of "If Only" Sometimes not realizing that the land of "Possibilities" is just around the corner waiting.  Goodness, if  can do it... You most definitely can!!!! 

Day 38: Eye Didn't See it Coming

You see what happened was... (it's never good when you start like that) - So I went to this Errol Flynn convention and stabbed myself in the eye... Now that sounds sooooooo much better that what really happened.  Here is the true sorted sad tale:

4:30AM:  BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

4:40AM: *Groans*

4:45AM: Get ready

5:00AM: Head out for the morning run

5:40AM: Finish run, grab shower

6:00AM: Grab deodorant

6:01AM: Wipe eye (not realizing that some deodorant is on hand)

6:02AM: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH!!!!!!!!!!

6:10AM:  AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH!!!!!!!!!!

You know how deodorant is supposed to keep moisture away?  Trust me when I tell you that IT DOES!!!  All the moisture was instantly sucked out of my eye, ran water on it for 10 minutes only to find out that I needed actual saline eye wash so I scratched my cornea and am now sporting a lovely eye patch... (Arrrr!).   

Obviously I need more sleep or I would have been paying better attention (seriously... WHO DOES THAT?) and will be running in the evenings rather than at the early wee hours of the morning.  I didn't even get a really cool eye patch like this:

Nope I had a regular old goofy one... (THAT WILL SHOW ME).  Who would have thought that deodorizing could be so dangerous??!?!  As a friend of mine likes to say: "What is wrong with you?"  Now I have a complex... hahahahaha

Day 36: It's the Final Countdown

I have 5 days left... 5 days folks... count em - okay this isn't Sesame Street so I don't "really" expect you to count them.  But still 5 more days and I am through the 1st 40 days!!  I am very pleased with myself for sticking with it and believe or not, I am pretty excited about the next 40 days to come.  I  Recently, noticed that  it has become clear to me that before this I have never spent much time celebrating my accomplishments.  Sure, there is always a little ‘Woo Hoo!’ but the minute that is over, I seem to move on and forget as if nothing special ever happened.  Maybe that is why this has been so important for me to celebrate every victory in this journey.

From Skinny Girl Stalls to discovering those ever so slightly showing curves again, I have to be honest and say that for the first time in a very long time I am proud of the woman I am becoming, the choices and changes I am making and I am beginning to like me again.  These changes have not been easy, but they have been worth it. This is huge because that hasn't happened in a very long while.  So are you ready?  Do you know what's coming next?  Come on.. Guess... You know it!!  It's time for...

The Happy Dance!!!

 

 

Oh, yeah uh huh...   doo dee dah..  la la la

 

Oh wait... where was I?  Sorry about that... Got a little carried away for a second.  So back to what I was saying... Celebrate every accomplishment and be proud of it.  From getting a thank you for going the extra mile to getting a promotion... From losing 1 pound to losing 35.  It's those moments that make it all work while.  And I will honestly tell you that I was just as excited about the 1st pound as I was the 35th.  I have this precious, awesome co-worker/friend that every time she walks by me now, she does this hand motion to signal "Girl you are slimming down" and I LOVE IT!!  It makes my day and motivates me to keep going. 

I think this blog has been the biggest factor in me sticking to something and not giving up or backing down.  The awesome encouragement I have received both in my comments and in my email have been such a blessing and joy.  You beautiful wonderful people.friends..  Today, I celebrate you right along with me - For making me laugh, for pushing me farther, for protecting me when you think I need it and most of all for not making me do this alone.  You have been such an amazing blessing to me. Thank you seems so small but Thank you so much!  I pray continued blessings on your life and your journeys and know that I will always be here to cheer you on as well!! 

"Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!"

Psalm 32:11

Day 35: Blech

 I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning because something DID NOT agree with my tummy!!  Let me just tell you in advance that when you are living on only 500 calories a day, not keeping it down is NOT NOT NOT fun!  This was probably my most challenging day because I usually rely on sprite or something like that when I am not feeling well.  So here I am... miserable, whiny and a bit pathetic.  Okay, a lot pathetic.

  

So to be honest - I don't have a whole lot of anything to write because I spent most of the day either with my head under the covers or on the couch resting so I will see you again tomorrow my dear readers. 

Day 34: The Danger of Circles

Update at Bottom!

Did you know... that The United States is the most obese country in the world?  With all our knowledge, with all our technology and what we have to show for it is FAT - From microwaves to Fast food - We are killing ourselves FAST. 

Do you sometimes feel like this is you?  I know I do!!  Too long, I often felt like I was circling with no direction, telling myself that at least I am getting "some" exercise... Ha!  Right!  I promise you... this does NOT work at all.  It's like walking to Dairy Queen everyday to get the Blizzard; you're still filling your body with junk no matter how you try to justify it.  It would be nice if that were truly the case but it's not.  Round and round we go.  Until we are confused, dizzy, exhausted and not even ourselves anymore. And where do we go from there?  Mother's, Grandmothers, Daughters, Sisters, Aunts, Cousins, the list goes on and we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle - So it's not just about me, it's about my daughter, and my granddaughters and it is time for me to break that cycle for not just my Lifetime but for my Lifeline!!

When facing difficulties, our emotions will always attempt take control. Some might say that their emotions help keep them in life and that they guide us to not to do things or something bad might happen but is that us simply mistaking wisdom for emotions?  The reality is that they certainly don't guide us to success. You see, they only try to rescue or numb us to our immediate situation  that we find ourselves trapped in. They don't have the wisdom to rationalize the possibility of long-term effects on our lives. In other words, these emotions are selfish and don’t really care about your future. They only react to the immediate problems you are facing in the moment and look for the quickest solution, which is how comfort food comes into place.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Life should be lived based on conscious thought, choices and wisdom - NOT EMOTION!! 

Probably the hardest thing in the world is to set your emotions aside and continue on.  To keep going especially when we are feeling emotional.  The biggest question is... How do we do that?  Because here's the thing, you can't just get rid of your emotions - you truly have to learn to let your emotions and your wisdom co-exist together.  Yes it is okay to feel frustration and to even acknowledge it. You just have to decide that in spite of the frustration, you are not going to give in. 

By now, you are probably seriously tired of me using the word choices but it's the reality.  Like when you are eating a salad, do you choose to smother it in dressing or have it on the side?  Do you have dessert every night or just once in a while, Do you really have to have that much cream and sugar in your coffee?  Think about it... and choose wisely. 

Can I get a DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!

1

2

3

4

5 POUNDS!!!  Total weight loss:  35 lbs!!!!

*See what happens when you choose?   :)

Day 32: That Lovely Brass Ring



Some days you feel like your goals are completely attainable - while other days you just feel like you are constantly reaching to no avail.  Today was one of those days for me... I just felt like with my wonderful  kids, my terrific job and even my amazing husband - All I was doing was reaching.  And then you start to wonder, just what are you reaching for?  What is that elusive prize that keeps me going?  And that right there is the key... To keep reminding myself of the prize.  And in this case - the prize is me...

So how often do we decide that we are worth it?  That the personal sacrifice is worth the personal success and gain.  To many times we run from the hard stuff, because it's easier than dealing with it.  It is easier to put it off then to jump in.  Its like this - when you are getting into cold water people do it one of two ways.  They either jump in all at once or take it one step at a time.  Either way, the longer you stand there doing nothing... nothing changes.  That's the harsh reality, but I am not here to sugar coat it, because that would make it easier for you and I to continue to do nothing. 

I want to feel pretty again, I want to feel like me again and that isn't going to happen as long as I keep avoiding mirrors and avoiding me.  Life is not something that you can run from because eventually it will catch up with you whether you want it to or not. This is true about so much more than weight and health - it's true about every single aspect of your life, every moment, every decision.  It's just a decision that YOU (and me) have to make and then be faithful to yourself.  Find your dream, find your moment and use it everyday... For this girl it's to windsurf again - to make my life whole again - To take wind and wave in my hair and be free. 



Day 30: Let the Countdown Begin

I am in the final stretch of my first 40 days... then 3 weeks off and my next 40 days.  I am a little scared about the three weeks because I will really have to make some conscious choices without the safe holds and guard rails.   In a way it almost feels like I moved out for the first time.  There is both excitement and nervousness.  My inner rebellious child keeps whispering treats into my ears and I want to make sure that she keeps her voice down. This is definitely going to be a balancing act on my part - finding that balance between healthy choices and tempting treats. 

I think that the biggest difference from when I started is that I KNOW this takes work, I KNOW this is a lifetime commitment but most importantly,  I KNOW this is possible.  The further into this journey I get, the less I want to turn around and go back the way I came.  Oh I know this is just the beginning.  This is not a quick walk around the block (WITHOUT stopping at the ice cream truck).  I also know that I had reached a point where I didn't even like me anymore.  I wanted to be anyone but me... AND right now today?  I think I pretty much rock.  :)

Let's be real... When you need to lose as much weight as I do... 30 pounds is nothing... but just wait until I hit 60!  Because it is GOING to happen!   I honestly can't tell you what I am more pleased about.  The actual weight loss or the fact that for a month now I have actually committed to this and stuck with it!! I honestly think it is the later.  I finally feel like I am gaining a foothold on the defeatist attitude that had smothered me for so long. Looking back now it was like being held under dark murky water with just a tiny measure of oxygen to sustain you. And you are taking the smallest amount of breath that you can to survive. Sometimes feeling dizzy and like the next breath you take will be your last. And then someone reaches out and pulls you out of the water and you take your first real breath in a long time. The sharp pain hits your lungs as you draw it in… but it is a good pain, a healing pain… and the pain reminds you that you are alive! 

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed"

John 8:36

 Can you smell it?  Can you feel it?  Freedom is come... Reach for it



Day 29: - Wrapped in the Positive

Have you ever wondered how just the simplest thing can make the biggest difference? I am constantly reminded how important it is to wrap yourself in positive things. And how that is what can help you stay the course.

I woke up today with the kiddo having a high fever and pretty miserable, which then of course leads to Dr and hospital visits, worry about her, and taking care of her at home... And amidst all this trying to stay on track. For the first time in a while, I really didn't want to stay on course. I really really wanted to throw caution and discipline to the wind.

But then I remembered that my words have the power.  Power to make me fall or the power to be my defining moment. My words, my attitude, my choice. To decide that rather than live life by how I feel, I will live life by how I choose.  So today I made a very conscious (and if I am being honest, difficult) choice to keep going, to keep pushing, to keep believing.

I honestly can't express just how both difficult and defining this journey is being for me.  For some of you who know me, you really know how too quickly I would give up on myself, too often I would procrastinate on making a change, how easy it was for me to invent excuses or how too many times I would trade in the towel for the quick satisfaction of a cheeseburger. Please understand that I am 43 years old and am breaking habits and patterns from years ago, so this is not trite advice but my reality.  So my readers this is why you are taking this journey with me... To keep me on task, to encourage others, to set me free.

So I am wrapping myself in words that lift me up, hold me high and help me find me again.

Monday Challenge: What is the one word that makes you feel good about yourself?

Day 27: Facing the Falling Rain

Update Below

"Life aint always easy
Sometimes it just aint fair
You're just going in circles
You aint getting no where
When you feel like giving in
Just remember where you've been"

Amanda Jo

This is one of my favorite songs... When I am having a really rough day and I just want to give up... I play it and it pushes me though. Because let's face it... Life really isn't very fair is it?  So the first part of the song clearly appeals to my whining side but then it turns right about and kicks me in the tush with the chorus.  And I have to get back up - Dust myself off and keep going. 

"You gotta face the falling rain to get to the rainbow

You gotta climb a lot of mountains to get where you want to go

So don't give up if it seems you'll never get through the show

You gotta face the falling rain to get to the rainbow." 

  

Amanda Jo

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes, we need to put safeguards in place to make sure that we are not letting ourselves down.   I am finding that with the positive barriers securely in place, I am much less likely to go off track.  And I can tell you this... the more of the real me I see, the more I want to stand strong and face the rain head on... the rain of discouragement, the rain of not good enough, the rain the of doubt, the raging storm of insecurity... I am tired of hiding under my emotional umbrella and feeling sorry for myself.  I will defy it, let it drench me and then let the warm rays of satisfaction and success dry me until the next storm hits - For now... I am standing strong!

As you can clearly see, music is a strong motivator for me... It moves something inside and makes me want to push through.  If music is not what motivates you... find out what is your motivator and make it work for you!  :)

http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/amandajocountry

Drum Roll Please

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9 Pounds!!!  Total Weight loss:  30.4 pounds!!  Whoot!  Whoot!





Day 26: I can do this

I have an announcement to make...

For the first time since I started this I woke up thinking: "I can do this" - To be honest that is usually the 4th or 5th, 22nd thought I have... So I am pretty excited about this. 



This is a big deal for a few reasons.

1. I am realizing that I really CAN DO THIS!

2. I'm realizing that tweaking my outlook makes a huge difference on how I handle what life throws at me. 

3. The power of Positive Thinking is a real tangible thing.

Now I have never really considered myself a negative person... just a "realist" which means I hope for the best but prepare for the worst...that's not bad... right?  Except that is what led me to my Anticipating Failure attitude.  "I hope I will lose weight but I will buy a size larger just in case"  Bam! Sweet little set-up for failure right there.  I know for me, I didn't even realize I was doing this until I began this journey. 

Life is like an overseas flight - When the plan leaves one country it sets a flight plan from Point A to Point B...simple enough right?  WRONG!  Did you know that a flight NEVER follows that exact flight path and is CONSTANTLY making adjustments along the way.  It has to adjust for air temperature, wind speed, storm warnings, other air craft... etc... If the plan followed the exact plan without those adjustments, they could end up in the wrong destination, they could get caught in a major storm, they could hit another plan.  See what I mean?  How can we start here and expect to make it over there without making those adjustments when life throws us curve balls?  We can't... we have to ADJUST accordingly and keep going. 

It really is that simple... But how can something simple be soooo HARD???  Because we haven't adjusted out thinking.  ;)  So remember:



Day 24: Peek-a-boo I see you

My Dear Readers... I had the most amazing thing happen to me today!!!!  Someone in the office that I rarely see stopped me in the hall and asked:  "Have you been losing weight?"

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!  Can I get some fanfare please?!?!

Let me tell you that this single moment made the last 24 days worth while! I doubt she has any idea what an impact that had on me... Believe me when I tell you that I floated back to my desk.  It's funny how sometimes we forget to really appreciate those little moments.  I am loving them right now!!  It's like I am playing peek-a-boo with the real me and I am starting to actually catch glimpses of her!! 

Do we ever really think about the impact of our words?  You can literally make or break someones day in a single moment.  I know that I talk about the negative power of words... so let's start really focusing on the positive power.  Words have been around for years... there is nothing really special about them, they are little drops of black ink on paper or little phrases we throw out to each other, until you arrange them in the right order.  Take those same little drops of ink and watch Jane Austin arrange into a vivid world of color and love... so see the expression on your child's face when you express how proud of them you are. 

So I guess they are not just words after all.  They are Passionate, They are Powerful, They are YOUR WORDS... How will you express them today? 

 “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matt 12:36-37

Zumba is tomorrow and let's hope that I still have those dancing legs (it's like riding a bike... right?)  I am nervous for a few reasons:

1. Will I still have some semblance of rhythm?

2. Will I make it through the whole class?

3. Is is safe for this much Jello to Jiggle???

I will let you know how it goes...  but for right now... Right now I am dreaming big of being little  :)