Day 40: Time to Celebrate!

Update at the bottom!!

 

Well my dear dear readers - this is it... Day 40, the end of the first of leg of my journey, but just the beginning of my new life.  I will taking a break and most likely blogging only once a week for the next 3 weeks and then will be back in full steam when I start my next 40 day journey.  

Thank you for every moment of cheering, every word of encouragement, every hug, every tear shared, every laugh exchanged... You have been a huge part of of my success whether you realize it or not.  You see life should be lived like a community, not alone.  I am blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people and I encourage you to do the same.  Get rid of those people that make you feel bad about yourself, that make you doubt yourself, that make you want to give up and gather around yourself, cheerleaders, people who believe in you and are willing to do what it takes to encourage you.  Huddle together, plan together, hug together.  Live!!

I leave you with this:   

There is no victory without celebrating... Remember that. 

See you soon!!!  :)

My total weight loss at day 40 is:  39.4 lbs!!!

Day 37: The Mad Dash to the Finish Line

So 4 days... and then 3 weeks on my own... scary!! Spooky!!  mama!!  As challenging as this has been - the thought of no safety rails is daunting.  The ultimate responsibility to myself is here.  I fell like it is coming head on without letting up... Its funny how at first - I thought it would take forever and now, it seems like it has flown by.  It is right in front of me and there is a part of me that doesn't want to cross that finish line...

But when I really think about it... there is no finish line - not now, not ever... because this is a NEW WAY of LIFE, not a temporary fix to a permanent problem.  A decision to change FOREVER.  At first I was fooling myself, saying: "Once I get to my target weight I can eat whatever I want again... UMMMMMM WHAT?!?  Isn't that what got me here in the first place?  DUH!!!  So with that realization, renewed to be consistent and realizing that for me this is a marriage of healthy choices and fitness combined into the relationship of the new me.  My vows would be one of fast food chastity, commitment to daily work-outs and daily affirmation.

Funny how time can change your mind, sometimes without even realizing it until we are nearing the end. How we begin to change our mindset every so subtlety until we start to believe.  So I will run to that finish line, with determination and a smile - I will not fear it, I will not hate it - I will embrace it with joy... celebrating the first leg of my journey and gleefully anticipating the next steps.  Because I am worth it.    

Day 36: It's the Final Countdown

I have 5 days left... 5 days folks... count em - okay this isn't Sesame Street so I don't "really" expect you to count them.  But still 5 more days and I am through the 1st 40 days!!  I am very pleased with myself for sticking with it and believe or not, I am pretty excited about the next 40 days to come.  I  Recently, noticed that  it has become clear to me that before this I have never spent much time celebrating my accomplishments.  Sure, there is always a little ‘Woo Hoo!’ but the minute that is over, I seem to move on and forget as if nothing special ever happened.  Maybe that is why this has been so important for me to celebrate every victory in this journey.

From Skinny Girl Stalls to discovering those ever so slightly showing curves again, I have to be honest and say that for the first time in a very long time I am proud of the woman I am becoming, the choices and changes I am making and I am beginning to like me again.  These changes have not been easy, but they have been worth it. This is huge because that hasn't happened in a very long while.  So are you ready?  Do you know what's coming next?  Come on.. Guess... You know it!!  It's time for...

The Happy Dance!!!

 

 

Oh, yeah uh huh...   doo dee dah..  la la la

 

Oh wait... where was I?  Sorry about that... Got a little carried away for a second.  So back to what I was saying... Celebrate every accomplishment and be proud of it.  From getting a thank you for going the extra mile to getting a promotion... From losing 1 pound to losing 35.  It's those moments that make it all work while.  And I will honestly tell you that I was just as excited about the 1st pound as I was the 35th.  I have this precious, awesome co-worker/friend that every time she walks by me now, she does this hand motion to signal "Girl you are slimming down" and I LOVE IT!!  It makes my day and motivates me to keep going. 

I think this blog has been the biggest factor in me sticking to something and not giving up or backing down.  The awesome encouragement I have received both in my comments and in my email have been such a blessing and joy.  You beautiful wonderful people.friends..  Today, I celebrate you right along with me - For making me laugh, for pushing me farther, for protecting me when you think I need it and most of all for not making me do this alone.  You have been such an amazing blessing to me. Thank you seems so small but Thank you so much!  I pray continued blessings on your life and your journeys and know that I will always be here to cheer you on as well!! 

"Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!"

Psalm 32:11

Day 33: Reach and Pull

Today was rough for me - Started with a super busy stressful day - to someone moving my lunch and turning it so the juice from my shrimp went all over the rest of my food (Seriously... YUCK) to sitting on the couch with Shaun having him munch on Chips and Salsa and me with my water... I know, pathetic right?  Waaaaaaaaaaa - I just wanted to give in - I mean after all, it's just one little moment - really it's not going to make "that much" of a difference will it?  Well for me, that answer is YES - It will make a difference - it is usually that one single moment when the next moment becomes so much easier to take; and with each step toward "easy" I take a step further away from the me I want to be. 

Pastor Ben tells this story of his daughter when she was younger and how she first learned to swim; they told her to Reach and Pull... Reach and Pull.  He further tells how it was difficult at first - but she just kept reaching and pulling and then suddenly there she was... a little swimmer!  Trust me when I tell you that he tells the story with greater entertainment than I do; but the point I am trying to make is that it is that single idea, the spark of hope is what keeps us going. We don't have to be the Mark Spitz in Life's Olympics - we just have to keep reaching and pulling.  Keep trying, keep swimming. 

There is no magic fix, no magic pill (NO MATTER WHAT THE TV MAY TELL YOU) - there is only dedication, devotion to yourself and determination to keep going.  This is perhaps my biggest struggle to keep those three things in the forefront of my mind and to keep them balanced.  If I am being very transparent - I will tell you that I can be very spoiled in my thinking sometimes, and even at my age, I struggle with feeling both rebellious and sorry for myself.  I wish I didn't and I am actively working at changing this, but it is not easy at all.  There are good days and there are bad days so I focus on minutes rather than days.  And find my encouragement and victories where I can. 

As far as encouragement, look at little Nemo, gimpy fin and all he had a great adventure and changed the life of his father as well.  He believed he was destined for something bigger that the life he was living.  That there was so much more out there waiting for him.  Oh I know I am referencing a Disney Cartoon as an example but really doesn't it beautifully apply?  Shouldn't I have those same determinations and beliefs?  I too easily forget how important it is to hold on - To keep consistent and keep hauling my sorry self back into the gym - to keep making healthy choices - to keep pushing harder toward the goals I have set. 

So Go Nemo Go!!

Day 31: How to Stay Positive, Avoid Temptation & Helpful Tips

I don't know about you... but I plan on doing this EVERY MORNING!!  You go Jessica... You go!

 We have this new gorgeous, sexy steamy hot new coffee machine in the office... and boy did I quickly recognize it for the temptation that it is!!  I am currently actively avoiding it.  You see, it doesn't just make coffee, it makes Mocha's, Hot Chocolate, and so much more and on top of that... the little hussy is from STARBUCKS!!  Mmmmmmm I mean... errrr.  STAY AWAY FROM THAT!!  I used to start every morning with sweet tasty flavored coffee... but now I am a take it straight, no sugar, no cream girl.  (You don't have to be this extreme... I just happen to be allergic to artificial sweeteners)  Soooo sigh... this lovely temptress is not for me. 

So being that I figure I am not the only one dealing with temptations and struggles, today I thought I would share some tips that I am picking up along the way that have really been helping me push past some of the resistance and barriers.  I hope you find them useful... Please feel free to add any you might have in the comments below. 

1.  Make a dessert plate into your dinner plate (This DOES NOT mean eat dessert instead of dinner...lol).  It fools your brain into thinking you are getting more food than you are.

2. 5-6 small HEALTHY meals a day.  You can do it... just try  :)

3. Brush your teeth AFTER EVERY time you eat.  Then you don't have the taste of food in your mouth... Your dentist will be happy with you too ;)

4. It's okay to tell people NO - You will like yourself better in the long run

5. Find one positive thing about yourself each week and focus on that

6. Drink tons of H2o (BTW... do you know the chemical compound of Holy Water?  It's H2OMG)  ;)

7. If you make a mistake - Start again!!!!  The important part isn't whether or not you fall... it's whether or not you GET BACK UP!!

8. Be willing to laugh at yourself and then let it go.  

9. It's okay to tell someone they hurt your feelings or that they are making it hard for you to do this... Gracious Honesty will get you very far.

10. Surround yourself with awesome Cheerleaders (like you guys!!!)

11. FORGIVE yourself (it's easy to beat ourselves up when we fail)

12. Eat slowly - in the end you will feel fuller and more satisfied


The most important tip I have learned is

LOVE YOURSELF!!

 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

Psalm 139: 14

Day 30: Let the Countdown Begin

I am in the final stretch of my first 40 days... then 3 weeks off and my next 40 days.  I am a little scared about the three weeks because I will really have to make some conscious choices without the safe holds and guard rails.   In a way it almost feels like I moved out for the first time.  There is both excitement and nervousness.  My inner rebellious child keeps whispering treats into my ears and I want to make sure that she keeps her voice down. This is definitely going to be a balancing act on my part - finding that balance between healthy choices and tempting treats. 

I think that the biggest difference from when I started is that I KNOW this takes work, I KNOW this is a lifetime commitment but most importantly,  I KNOW this is possible.  The further into this journey I get, the less I want to turn around and go back the way I came.  Oh I know this is just the beginning.  This is not a quick walk around the block (WITHOUT stopping at the ice cream truck).  I also know that I had reached a point where I didn't even like me anymore.  I wanted to be anyone but me... AND right now today?  I think I pretty much rock.  :)

Let's be real... When you need to lose as much weight as I do... 30 pounds is nothing... but just wait until I hit 60!  Because it is GOING to happen!   I honestly can't tell you what I am more pleased about.  The actual weight loss or the fact that for a month now I have actually committed to this and stuck with it!! I honestly think it is the later.  I finally feel like I am gaining a foothold on the defeatist attitude that had smothered me for so long. Looking back now it was like being held under dark murky water with just a tiny measure of oxygen to sustain you. And you are taking the smallest amount of breath that you can to survive. Sometimes feeling dizzy and like the next breath you take will be your last. And then someone reaches out and pulls you out of the water and you take your first real breath in a long time. The sharp pain hits your lungs as you draw it in… but it is a good pain, a healing pain… and the pain reminds you that you are alive! 

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed"

John 8:36

 Can you smell it?  Can you feel it?  Freedom is come... Reach for it



Day 28: Munkinland, Life and 2 Chocolate Cakes... OH MY

So I have a friend at work that makes the most AMAZING cakes they are beautiful and delicious - Sweets are not my weakness but I have to say... hers are.  This week I had to say no to not one, but TWO of her cakes.  In addition, my house was turned into the candy and junk food version of OZ for a birthday party - Some of my favorite nemesis made their appearance. 

Reese's peanut butter cups - Thwap!!!
Croissant wrapped Sausages - Pow!
Cheesy Bread Sticks - Bam!
Salt and Vinegar Potate Chips - Zap!


Ack!  My Kryptonite has arrived!!!  I can't handle this... must have... Wait!!  What???  What's this that is happening?  I have no craving for them?  Really?!?!?  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!  In this particular instance I felt no loss, or being left out of junk food nirvana.  As a matter of fact, I was the one with out the Sugar Rush Revenge or Food Coma Capers.  Aaaaand... When I made my dinner - the people eating greasy nasty (Yes I said nasty) said my looked so much better than theirs.  Bwaaa haaaa haaa

Now I am not so naive to think that it will be this easy every time, but I am going to celebrate this for all it is worth!!!  VICTORY!!  That has been my goal - to celebrate every moment and not a single one slip by.  Because I am worth the celebration and so are you... There is a world of difference between what I used to believe and what I am starting to believe.  I don't want to go back to the old mindset, the old me - I want to keep going forward and see what happens next!!

Thank you my lovely lovely cheerleaders!! :)



Day 27: Facing the Falling Rain

Update Below

"Life aint always easy
Sometimes it just aint fair
You're just going in circles
You aint getting no where
When you feel like giving in
Just remember where you've been"

Amanda Jo

This is one of my favorite songs... When I am having a really rough day and I just want to give up... I play it and it pushes me though. Because let's face it... Life really isn't very fair is it?  So the first part of the song clearly appeals to my whining side but then it turns right about and kicks me in the tush with the chorus.  And I have to get back up - Dust myself off and keep going. 

"You gotta face the falling rain to get to the rainbow

You gotta climb a lot of mountains to get where you want to go

So don't give up if it seems you'll never get through the show

You gotta face the falling rain to get to the rainbow." 

  

Amanda Jo

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes, we need to put safeguards in place to make sure that we are not letting ourselves down.   I am finding that with the positive barriers securely in place, I am much less likely to go off track.  And I can tell you this... the more of the real me I see, the more I want to stand strong and face the rain head on... the rain of discouragement, the rain of not good enough, the rain the of doubt, the raging storm of insecurity... I am tired of hiding under my emotional umbrella and feeling sorry for myself.  I will defy it, let it drench me and then let the warm rays of satisfaction and success dry me until the next storm hits - For now... I am standing strong!

As you can clearly see, music is a strong motivator for me... It moves something inside and makes me want to push through.  If music is not what motivates you... find out what is your motivator and make it work for you!  :)

http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/amandajocountry

Drum Roll Please

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9 Pounds!!!  Total Weight loss:  30.4 pounds!!  Whoot!  Whoot!





Day 25: Unstuck!!!

Let's face it - You've tried everything, you've done everything, Excersise, Healthy Eating and... NOTHING
You're STUCK and to be frankly honest... ready to GIVE UP. 

Familiar?  This is was me And I would be lying if I told that everything is now loppipops and roses because on some days, there is that part of me that still wants to rear it's stubborn little head and pull me back into the muck and mire. 

Do you have kids? Do you know how when they are growing we always buy things "a little bigger" to make them last? That had become my life's mentality when shopping for myself. I would try something on and if it was a little tight or even the perfect size I would buy the next size up for "just in case". Let's just call that for what it was... ANTICIPATING FAILURE. You see, I didn't believe enough in myself to think anything other than I was only going to get bigger. I was STUCK ! Stuck by a mental wall that had me convinced this was the best life had to offer.

And it doesn't matter what it is you're facing in life... Stuck is stuck. Whether it's in your finances, your marriage, your job or even your life. If you don't make a conscious decision to push through... You'll be at the same wall five years from now... Only now the wall is bigger and starting to surround you, closing you in and cutting you off from the life God has planned for you. I am learning to not settle for the land of "good enough" because the land of promise is right around the corner!!

Hebrews 6:12 so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Hmmmm Faith AND Patience... Sounds like a hand in hand deal to me. :)

Day 24: Peek-a-boo I see you

My Dear Readers... I had the most amazing thing happen to me today!!!!  Someone in the office that I rarely see stopped me in the hall and asked:  "Have you been losing weight?"

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!  Can I get some fanfare please?!?!

Let me tell you that this single moment made the last 24 days worth while! I doubt she has any idea what an impact that had on me... Believe me when I tell you that I floated back to my desk.  It's funny how sometimes we forget to really appreciate those little moments.  I am loving them right now!!  It's like I am playing peek-a-boo with the real me and I am starting to actually catch glimpses of her!! 

Do we ever really think about the impact of our words?  You can literally make or break someones day in a single moment.  I know that I talk about the negative power of words... so let's start really focusing on the positive power.  Words have been around for years... there is nothing really special about them, they are little drops of black ink on paper or little phrases we throw out to each other, until you arrange them in the right order.  Take those same little drops of ink and watch Jane Austin arrange into a vivid world of color and love... so see the expression on your child's face when you express how proud of them you are. 

So I guess they are not just words after all.  They are Passionate, They are Powerful, They are YOUR WORDS... How will you express them today? 

 “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matt 12:36-37

Zumba is tomorrow and let's hope that I still have those dancing legs (it's like riding a bike... right?)  I am nervous for a few reasons:

1. Will I still have some semblance of rhythm?

2. Will I make it through the whole class?

3. Is is safe for this much Jello to Jiggle???

I will let you know how it goes...  but for right now... Right now I am dreaming big of being little  :)

Day 23: Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

My dear readers

I am ashamed to tell you I cheated today!!  You see what happened was...  (Ever notice how all excuses seem to start this way?)  Anywho - Today was the19th anniversary of being married to the most wonderful man on the planet.  And my husband and I had already decided that we would celebrate at the end of my 40 day journey, you know nice dinner, etc... So we got home and my darling children had surprised us and created this lovely little restaurant right in our bedroom.  Cafe De Belden   It was both adorable and romantic. 

My daughter is pretty amazing and she made Dad Pesto Pasta w/Roast Beef tips, These gorgeous soft Dinner Rolls, Veggies and Brownies with whipped cream and chocolate sauce drizzle.  She also made me my 3 oz of steak, cherry tomatoes and my rye crisp cracker - Obviously you can see my point.  He gets all that and I get this?!??!  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!  So if you know me... Of all those things would you think was my weakness?? 

A. The Pasta
B. The Bread
C. The Dessert
D. All of the Above

No peeking... guess first
Seriously... NO PEEKING

(Insert Theme to Jeopardy here)

Ok... ok... Guess already!!!



Well my readers, if you selected B you know me very well indeed!!!  I am French, so warm fresh bread?  Look out world!!

The Undeniable Evidence: 

Yes you caught me - I had 1/2 of a homemade dinner roll.... Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I would like to deny it and even perhaps hide it but this is about being real... right?  SO if I am being real I have to say... It was amazing!!!  But I am also proud to say:

1. It was only 1/2 and even though I wanted to... I went no further
2. I am still committed and dedicated to continue this journey

I am telling you this because sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we fall... The important thing is that we get back up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward. 





Day 22: Promises and Posibilities

There is this song that I remember from when I was a kid... it goes:

"I am a promise
I am a possiblity
I am a great big bundle of
Potentiality"

I woke up this morning with this in my head... wow!  Do you remember being a kid and thinking just about anything was possible... Recently, my 18 year old told me he has all these dreams and begin to lay them our for me. Intially I want to tell him to slow down because there is NO WAY he can do them all but really, how do I know that?  I am not him and I don't ever want to be that parent that crushes the hopes and dreams budding inside him.  Soooo this begs the question... If I am so great at encouraging him... why not myself, why not my friends? 

So here I am at day 22:  Update - I still see dancing food on ocasion but they are more like a mirage vs a personal lap dance.  I still get frustrated, I still want chocolate (but not as much as I thought I would) and I still have days when I just want to give it up, go back to the old ways and not fight but they are fewer than when I started.  I still believe in what I am doing, I still want a new me and I still keep pushing forward and those days are more frequent... so I am starting to see (as every so slight as it may be...) a shift in my thinking.  And that my friends is progress..



Currently I am doing the ever so EVIL beach body workout, steps, Dance your way to health and the BL workout (Hey I need variety!!); Thursday I start ZUMBA (even the name terrifies me) - I will let you know how that goes.  But I know this; that we (YOU AND ME) are worth it!!  :)   We are full of potential, promise and possibility!!!  Grab for it and don't give up!! 

I can't promise miracles, quick fixes or an easy way out... but I will promise you a pretty darn good cheerlaeader/encourager if you decide you need one... Put it this way:

I am no prince
I am no saint
I am not anyone's wildest dreams
but I will stand behind
and be someone to fall back on

'Someone to Fall Back On' Aly Michalka

What are you waiting for???

Tuesday's Challenge:  Encourage someone today! 





Day 21: Fake it till you Make it

Crash!  Boom! Thwack! ERGH!  help... These are coming noises in the battle of the bulge - Some I can't wait to be gone for good!!

Crash! (Trying to squeeze my tush between two shelves and knocking something over)
Boom! (Falling on my tush when doing aerobics *Pretty sure the neighbors thought it was an earthquake)
Thwack! (Hitting myself in the face with the thera-band... OUCH)
ERGH!  (Pushing though, pushing through, pushing... passing out)

Oh if only it were this simple:

But it's not... The reality is that it takes HARD WORK (YIKES!)  It's kinda like expecting to breathe without oxygen.  It's not going to work very well...  So yesterday - I DID NOT want to work out... so I didn't...  And I actually woke up more sore than I have in a while (lesson learned) - Trust me I am not (and most likely will never be) the next triathlete, but I will be true to me.  And sometimes when you are fighting for something it means you are fighting against yourself.  That little rebellious brat that hides inside of us just waiting to rear its stubborn head.  So this morning I had to give it a good talking too:

Me:  "Ok, we're on Day 21 - Yesterday was not a day to give up."

Brat: "I don't care, I hate exercise and I MISS CHOCOLATE!!!"

Me: "I miss chocolate too but I miss me more... so let's get back on track"

Brat: "You can't make me... I will do what I want - who cares anyway"

Me:  "There are a lot of people care but even if it was just me... that's enough... so get up and get to it"

Brat: "Fine but I don't have to like it!!!"

And that just about sums it up... I don't have to like it... I just have to do it.  I hate taking vitamins but they are an important part of my health so I take them anyway... there are some days (keeping it real) that I may not like work very much, but I like and NEED my paycheck so I come in and give my best.  And I am learning... trust me... I am learning that the more I apply myself, the more I do it with a smile in spite of the situation, the more the rest of me falls into line like it should.  So yes, sometimes,

I FAKE IT TIL I MAKE IT. 

Until my dreams line up with my reality... I will not give up!!!  So let's go!! Let's Step!  Let's move!!!  Let's Live!!!

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God.”

Psalm 139:14

So right now I am focusing on the wonderfully and 86ing the fearfully  ;)  No, seriously, each of us are amazing if we just open our eyes and look... See us for who we are... Love us for how He made us. 

MONDAY BLUES CHALLENGE:  Comment Below (Or email me) 1 Amazing thing you like about yourself... Can't wait to see what you have to say!!! 

Day 18: Playground School Rules

So a little bit of a rough day on an emotional level today.  Proud to say that even though, I DID NOT want to... I stuck to my guns and didn't slip or fall off the health wagon.  But it was a really tough choice to make today. 



Do you remember grade school?  Do you remember bullies?  You know, the kids that feel the need to prove their superiority through meanness and/or force?  And how sometimes, if a teacher wasn't near by, the playground could be a terrifying place?  Do you ever wonder what happens to them when they grow up? 

Perhaps they became those people you work with that always have something negative to say about someone else, or those people at church that always want to "share" (and it always seems that if it is especially vicious... they are sharing "in love").  Perhaps they are you.  I think most women (much more than men) do this to each other at some level, and I truly wish I understood why.  Sometimes we do it because we feel like we are "fighting back" and sometimes we are starting the fight ourselves.  Then we justify it, and say it's something other than what it really is... Hurtful Vicious Gossip.

Yes I am fully aware that it was my own complacency that got me here in the first place.  I am aware that change will not be easy and had I done it correct the first time - I would not be fighting my way back now.  I know that I don't shop at the best stores... (but sometimes Wal-mart really is the only thing that fits into the budget).  I am also aware that what you say to my face (or behind my back) shouldn't matter... but sometimes?  For at least a little while... it does.  Then I bounce back up like a Weeble Wobble and life is amazing again. (some of you are like: "Huh?  A what??") 

This is a Weeble - we weeble, we wobble but we DON'T fall down!! :)



If you are one of these people... Just Stop.  Grow up, Please deal with your emotional wounds and allow youself to heal and move on with your life.  I am truly sorry that something happened in your life that hurt you so deeply that to hide it and/or not deal with it you have to hurt the people around you, but that's not okay.  If you just let it go, you will see that you have so much to offer to yourself and others.  You know, as women, we should encourage each other, hold each other up and cheer each other on!!  life is hard so why make it harder on ourselves and those around us.  Just so you know, I would be foolish to think that I am immune or exempt from this myself so this is my new goal, to ask myself 4 questions before I open my mouth:

1. Is it edifying?

2. Is it encouraging?

3. Is it my business?

4. Is it true?

You'll notice, that in this rare case, truth is at the bottom, because if the truth is painful and it's not my business then, other than pray for that peron, I should leave it alone!!! 

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose."

Proverbs 18:21 

So think about the words that you use and how you are using them BEFORE you use them. 

Day 15: Dangerous Curves Ahead!!!!

Warning!!!  Warning!!!

How excited was I when I was waiting for Gracie I actually saw CURVES in the mirror?!?!?


Whoot!  Whoot!!!

So have I mentioned CHOICES?!?!?  (This would be an:  Ummmm DUH!)  So after working at my job for a year... and finally deciding to make a major life change - My Biggest TEMPTATION of all lands right in my lap!!!  Our wonderful office is now bringing in GOURMET lunch trunks!!  So this is my game plan: 

Mon – Red Oven Pizza Truck *Hide* (in the bathroom)

Tue – Opera Café *Hide* (under my desk)

Wed- Devilicious *Hide* (in the back 40)

Thurs – Chubby’s Burgers *Chain* myself to desk) FYI: If title has "Chubby" in it, probably not a healthy choice

Fri – Hoangies Banh Mi *Run*... just run

I will not deny it is hard but you know what I am figuring out?  It is WORTH it!  Plus, I am finding that what's good for my body is also great for my budget!!  I am not eating out every other day any more and am finding I have money to spare!! (Ben and Katie!!  Can't wait for that budgeting class to start!!).  Plus I am really starting to love seeing those curves start to peek-a-boo out and make an appearance.  YAY! 

I love how you think you're making one change and you end up changing so much more around you... (For the positive I might add).  Just a simple little thing that can change/turn the tide.  I will tell you this for sure... the last 15 days have been an ADVENTURE!!!  Sometimes fun... sometimes not so fun.  But writing to you here on day 15, I will expund my great wisdom and state:  IT IS EASIER than when I start waaaaaay back on day 1.  I am in my groove and grooving to a brand new me!!  Can't wait to get to the end of this road and start on a Brand New Begining!

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

2nd Corinthians 5:17

This is my cry for the day!!!  Make me new... inside and out!! 

Day 14: Chocolate Cake, Trials & Temptations

So Saturday night - Shaun and Matt decided (at 9:30PM mind you) to eat chocolate cake!!!  Really?  So I headed flounced off to bed early in a bit of a huff... Spent some pious time contemplating my current "trial" and how much I was sacrificing and thinking: "How can they do that to me"  Shaun came to bed (smelling of course like chocolate) Our conversation was a bit like this:

Shaun:  "I am sorry you're upset and I love you".

Me: "I love you too but I need some time because I am hurt and upset that you didn't consider my feelings and what I am trying to do" 

Totally justified in my temper tantrum.  Right??

WRONG!

Be very careful with your "righteous" anger because sometimes?  It will smack you upside the head!!  In my case it was the book of JAMES (Oh thank you Pastor Ben!)... talking about trials and I am really getting into it and still nursing my hurt feelings from the night before... Preach it Pastor!!  Preach it!  Then Thwack!!!  What?!?!?!  Where did that come from??  Don't mistake my temptations for trials???  Well of COURSE I am not doing that... Am I? 

¹³ Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. ¹⁴ But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. ¹⁵ Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

James 1: 13-15

Crap!  That chocolate cake was not a trial at all!!  It was a temptation and while I did right and ran... (All the way to the bedroom) - I did it with a stinky attitude!  Now, you might be wondering why it would be a temptation vs a trial?  BECAUSE it's what got me here in the first place!!  Not running, not making good choices (There's that word again.. CHOICES).  Had I learned some discipline years ago and said no (or at that point, even taking a smaller portion that I used to).  I wouldn't have been in my bedroom feeling sorry for myself.  One more thing... not eating chocolate may be bad... but eating CROW because you now have to apologize for your crappy attitude is much worse (TRUST me on this). 

I think the two most important words I am learning are:

Choices

Responsibility

I choose to eat right or I choose to be overweight

I take responsibility for my past actions or I keep making LAME excuses

It's really that simple. :)

Day 13: The Whale of the Plate and the Shrimpy Shrimp

(Update at the bottom!)

Yesterday our amazing director took us to lunch at Red Lobster as a thank you for quarter end. I had two simultaneously had two reactions.

1. There is no way I can go

2. I don't want to offend anyone... So maybe it's ok to cheat a little just this once.

Wait!!! What? Did I really start to give in that easy? Why am I so willing to rationalize myself into a temporary pleasure?

Well, let's face it... I LOVE food and because I do, I thought that if I only ate one delicious meal a day, I would be just fine... Ummmm Scratch that idea... Trust me, IT DOESN'T WORK!! Now I know some of you are reading this and thinking "Duh"! But I really thought it would work.

So I had decided not to go and a dear friend sent me the menu highlighting a lovely little side salad with only 90 calories... So yay!! Off I went. I further discovered that I could get 3oz of shrimp on a skewer, grilled with no butters or oils!! Yes!!

So they bring out my shrimp with everyone else's food and it was pretty hilarious to see this giant plate with this little tiny shrimp skewer on it.  I was affectionately teased as I cut it up into tiny pieces and tried to make it last as long as everyone else.  I had fun and loved spending time with my friends. Most importantly I discovered that I can actually eat out and still be healthy if I am willing to do two things:

1. Use that AWESOME nutrition information on the menu!!!

2.  Not be afraid to ask!

My kids always say that is never EVER hurts to ask... how true this is in all our lives.

If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

John 14: 14

So ask away and see what happens!!

UPDATE!!

Give me that drum roll!!!!

 

 1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8.8 POUNDS!!!

Total weight loss... 21 pounds!!!

Day 12: Snakes and True Friends

So yesterday my workout buddy and I took it outdoors to hit the hiking trails (sort of). It was hot so we were guaranteed to work up a good sweat. We walked ALL the way over to the trail to be stopped dead (ulp!) in our tracks. Before was this huge sign that said (yep you guessed it) Beware of SNAKES! Yikes!


My workout bud was more willing to brave snakes then I was.. And her logic was flawless:

Me: "No way I am outrunning snakes".

Her: "I don't have to outrun the snake, I just have to outrun you... But don't worry I'll bring back help".

Needless to say, our workout stuck to street path which was partly uphill so it still kicked my butt... :)

You see, It's her sense of humor and constant encouragement that keeps me going. She is a huge blessing in my life and I hope she knows this. Friendships should be mutually give and take... Not one person doing all the giving and the other all the taking. I am learning that in all areas of my life there needs to be balance. And a huge part of a healthy body is a healthy mind and spirit. So I have begun weeding exhausting and negative relationships from my life. As a friend put it: "It won't be fun and it won't be easy but at the end... It will be worth it"!

Proverbs 15: 17 says: "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it."

So I am selecting my dinner with herbs (a few close true friends) rather than with fat (a ton of unhealthy relationships) that are destructive.

I wholly encourage that you spend time in prayer to examine your life. Do you need to weed people out of your life? Or do you need to change before someone weeds you out of their lives.
Be willing to be honest with yourself because that is where true change takes place!!

Be blessed!!

Day 11: Life Lessons from a Grapefruit & Family Arguments

So, how transparent am I willing to be?  That's the real question here.  Do I just keep this about losing weight and lifestyle changes or do I include the hiccups that present me with challenges?  Well if I really want to change and I really want to make this permanent.  Then I need to be very real.  Soooooo...

On an emotional level, today was NOT a good day.  And I had to make a conscious, calculated choice to not run to food for comfort.  Until I committed myself to this... I hadn't even recognized that as a pattern in my life.  That I wanted needed something to make me feel better in the moment... that it was easier than dealing with the actual issues that are going on in my life.  That food could make me feel better and fulfill what I felt like was missing. 

To make a long story short I had a pretty major argument with my son to the point of him raising his voice at me and when I asked him not to; then he said something that really hit and hurt me. He said: "Mom, you care so much about people thinking we are the "perfect" family."  Do I?  Immediately I wanted to deny it... but at some level don't we all?  So I had to really ask myself...  Am I pursuing the "picture of perfection" or genuine perfection?  Because if I am after the picture instead of the genuine article I am doing more damage than good to myself and my family.  So here it is... I have great teenagers but sometimes... sometimes the only thing keeping them alive is that Jesus never said I was supposed to have a prison ministry.  Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed that I want to hide under the covers and cry... But maybe... just maybe this doesn't make me weak... it just makes me human.

The best way for me to explain this is: Gracie was trying to help Mom out and packed my lunch this morning and the cut the grapefruit in the wrong direction (Yes... it's that darn grapefruit again).  And as I was eating it I realized something... The good fruit is still inside, I just had to work harder to get at it.  Wow... so much like life.  The good in our life is right inside us... but sometimes, we just have to work harder to find it.  To peel back the layers of the old us to find the new us hiding inside.  And we need to realize that the good inside is a little bit fragile and that we need to nurture it and love it for it to grow stronger.  And we are not doing this alone!!  I know that I need to rely less on myself and more on Him. 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I am holding on to this and pray that you do too!  :)

Day 10: Smore’s, Cupcakes, Cowboy Coffee, Fireworks and VICTORY!

Independence day!!!  Celebrate Freedom Day!!  Go America!!! 

10 DAY MILE MARKER DAY!!!!!! Go ME!!! 

I am learning that I don't just need to surround myself with amazing people (which helps soooo much!!), but that I also need to be my OWN cheerleader as well.  So while I am sharing challenges, today we are celebrating VICTORIES!!!  :)

Today was an AMAZING Day!!  I rocked it - I made Cowboy Coffee for friends and family and wasn't tempted at all (It's pretty amazing trust me) and made smore's and wasn't temped at all!!!! (ok, maybe just a teensie bit).  All and all it was a fantastic day!  :)

So I will share a favorite cheerleader story:  You know sometimes people cook/bake and bring it with and it looks amazing and then they offer it to you... you say it looks amazing but you are really working hard at making healthy choices.  They get offended and say:  "Just take a little" or "You can behave tomorrow" and you feel so guilty that you end up eating it and then feel like a failure?  (BTW, if this is you... STOP DOING this and please be considerate of other people who are trying so hard!!)  So this is my story:

My friend Alicia brought these amazing 'firework' cupcakes and they looked soooo good.  Everyone is grabbing one and she offers one to me (I hadn't told her yet about what I am doing):

Me:  "Thanks so much but I am making life choice changes for my health and am going to have to say no."

Alicia:  "You go girl!!!!"  High fives me and give me her amazing smile... In that moment, she had such a deep impact on my day and I don't even know if she realizes it.  She was a good portion of why my day went so great.  That single moment gave me the freedom to say no. 

John 8:36 puts it so simply "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" I am not just talking about the freedom of salvation but the freedom to live your life to the fullest!!  Freedom to MAKE CHOICES...  Freedom to be FREE