40 days (Week 1) - Part 2 - Here we go again!

So after 3 weeks of maintaining I am back on the next set of 40 days... Take a deep breath cause HERE WE GO AGAIN!!  :)  I have decided to make this a once a week blog for now - I may go back to daily and I will let you know if I decide to do so :)

Week one:  Went well... I am finding that I actually do very well under structure (Gasp!!  Me?  Creative, Free Spirit me?... well it's true) and that every day this is easier than I expected.  To date - I have lost 53 lbs and am starting to finally remember not just who I am, but the woman I want to be...

Oh I still have my bad days and I still have moments when I am feeling great and a single moment can send me crashing to the floor - but for the first time in a long time - I am not giving up!! 

You really have to understand - that this is not my nature - to keep pushing through, expecially when it is a personal goal.  Usually, well usually I just give up and walk away.  But I am learning that I am not the only one and that life is like that... At some point in the along the way, we get to a part where we hit a wall and want to give up. The real tragedy is that sometimes... somtimes we give up before we even start; And then other times we give up just before we are about to make that HUGE break-through that we have been trying so hard to obtain... Now I could barrage you with a huge list of reasons to never give up but let me tell you the single reason that change my life:

The # 1 Reason to never give up: 

You are unique and special

You feel discouraged and be tempted to walk away from your dreams, your goals, your job, your family, your marriage, etc. You may even have convincing reasons why you should give up. But honestly, do you have any idea just how special you are? Whether you realize it or not, you are the only you there will ever be.  That is exactly why you are so special.  Think about the last time you just focused on how special you are, because I promise you, if you focus long enough,  you will have no reason to give up on your dreams, your goals, youself. The talents, skills, determination is what sets you apart and makes you the person you are.  Would you expect the people you love around you to just give up?  No you would encourage them to try just a little bit harder - to keep going.  So encourage yourself. 



And remember - It's not over til the Fat Lady sings

Be Blessed!!

Day 40: Time to Celebrate!

Update at the bottom!!

 

Well my dear dear readers - this is it... Day 40, the end of the first of leg of my journey, but just the beginning of my new life.  I will taking a break and most likely blogging only once a week for the next 3 weeks and then will be back in full steam when I start my next 40 day journey.  

Thank you for every moment of cheering, every word of encouragement, every hug, every tear shared, every laugh exchanged... You have been a huge part of of my success whether you realize it or not.  You see life should be lived like a community, not alone.  I am blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people and I encourage you to do the same.  Get rid of those people that make you feel bad about yourself, that make you doubt yourself, that make you want to give up and gather around yourself, cheerleaders, people who believe in you and are willing to do what it takes to encourage you.  Huddle together, plan together, hug together.  Live!!

I leave you with this:   

There is no victory without celebrating... Remember that. 

See you soon!!!  :)

My total weight loss at day 40 is:  39.4 lbs!!!

Day 39: The Bigger Congregation

So about five years ago, when I was living in Vegas, this lady at my church walked up to me and said:

Her: "Do you know that the Bible says our bodies our temples?"

Me: "Yes I do"

Her: "Then why don't you take better care of yours?"

Me: "Well our bodies are temples... mine just holds a larger congregation"

I laughed and walked away... then?  I went into the ladies bathroom and just cried.  Was she right?  Ab-so-stinking-lutely - Did it make it hurt any less?  NO!  Maybe if this has been someone I had a relationship with, someone that was a consistent part of my life, but it was someone I barely knew so it hurt even more.  We expect our friends to love us enough to be honest with us, but we don't expect "Godly" strangers to be so rude. 

Here's the thing, moments like this were a huge factor of not wanting to even try anymore.  I had reached a point where I just gave up. Now, living here in beautiful San Diego, why would I continue to do that do myself?  The land of beautiful beaches, wind surfing and fun!!!  And here I was hiding behind the words of people... Letting them blanket me into layers of excuses for being stagnant in my own life.

I am telling you this story, not because I need your pity, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because I know that I am not the only one this has happened to.  Any maybe, just maybe... someone out there needs to realize that you can break free, you can change your destiny and most of all that you are not alone.  That in spite of the dark around you... the morning will come and the light will chase away the shadows.  Change is never easy but it is possible!!!  VERY POSSIBLE!!  

" Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, that God gave you, and that he lives within you? Your body does not belong to you. For God has bought you with a great price. Therefore, use every part of your body to give glory back to God, because He owns it."

1 CORINTHIANS 6:19

 It is so easy to life in the land of "If Only" Sometimes not realizing that the land of "Possibilities" is just around the corner waiting.  Goodness, if  can do it... You most definitely can!!!! 

Day 38: Eye Didn't See it Coming

You see what happened was... (it's never good when you start like that) - So I went to this Errol Flynn convention and stabbed myself in the eye... Now that sounds sooooooo much better that what really happened.  Here is the true sorted sad tale:

4:30AM:  BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

4:40AM: *Groans*

4:45AM: Get ready

5:00AM: Head out for the morning run

5:40AM: Finish run, grab shower

6:00AM: Grab deodorant

6:01AM: Wipe eye (not realizing that some deodorant is on hand)

6:02AM: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH!!!!!!!!!!

6:10AM:  AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH!!!!!!!!!!

You know how deodorant is supposed to keep moisture away?  Trust me when I tell you that IT DOES!!!  All the moisture was instantly sucked out of my eye, ran water on it for 10 minutes only to find out that I needed actual saline eye wash so I scratched my cornea and am now sporting a lovely eye patch... (Arrrr!).   

Obviously I need more sleep or I would have been paying better attention (seriously... WHO DOES THAT?) and will be running in the evenings rather than at the early wee hours of the morning.  I didn't even get a really cool eye patch like this:

Nope I had a regular old goofy one... (THAT WILL SHOW ME).  Who would have thought that deodorizing could be so dangerous??!?!  As a friend of mine likes to say: "What is wrong with you?"  Now I have a complex... hahahahaha

Day 37: The Mad Dash to the Finish Line

So 4 days... and then 3 weeks on my own... scary!! Spooky!!  mama!!  As challenging as this has been - the thought of no safety rails is daunting.  The ultimate responsibility to myself is here.  I fell like it is coming head on without letting up... Its funny how at first - I thought it would take forever and now, it seems like it has flown by.  It is right in front of me and there is a part of me that doesn't want to cross that finish line...

But when I really think about it... there is no finish line - not now, not ever... because this is a NEW WAY of LIFE, not a temporary fix to a permanent problem.  A decision to change FOREVER.  At first I was fooling myself, saying: "Once I get to my target weight I can eat whatever I want again... UMMMMMM WHAT?!?  Isn't that what got me here in the first place?  DUH!!!  So with that realization, renewed to be consistent and realizing that for me this is a marriage of healthy choices and fitness combined into the relationship of the new me.  My vows would be one of fast food chastity, commitment to daily work-outs and daily affirmation.

Funny how time can change your mind, sometimes without even realizing it until we are nearing the end. How we begin to change our mindset every so subtlety until we start to believe.  So I will run to that finish line, with determination and a smile - I will not fear it, I will not hate it - I will embrace it with joy... celebrating the first leg of my journey and gleefully anticipating the next steps.  Because I am worth it.    

Day 36: It's the Final Countdown

I have 5 days left... 5 days folks... count em - okay this isn't Sesame Street so I don't "really" expect you to count them.  But still 5 more days and I am through the 1st 40 days!!  I am very pleased with myself for sticking with it and believe or not, I am pretty excited about the next 40 days to come.  I  Recently, noticed that  it has become clear to me that before this I have never spent much time celebrating my accomplishments.  Sure, there is always a little ‘Woo Hoo!’ but the minute that is over, I seem to move on and forget as if nothing special ever happened.  Maybe that is why this has been so important for me to celebrate every victory in this journey.

From Skinny Girl Stalls to discovering those ever so slightly showing curves again, I have to be honest and say that for the first time in a very long time I am proud of the woman I am becoming, the choices and changes I am making and I am beginning to like me again.  These changes have not been easy, but they have been worth it. This is huge because that hasn't happened in a very long while.  So are you ready?  Do you know what's coming next?  Come on.. Guess... You know it!!  It's time for...

The Happy Dance!!!

 

 

Oh, yeah uh huh...   doo dee dah..  la la la

 

Oh wait... where was I?  Sorry about that... Got a little carried away for a second.  So back to what I was saying... Celebrate every accomplishment and be proud of it.  From getting a thank you for going the extra mile to getting a promotion... From losing 1 pound to losing 35.  It's those moments that make it all work while.  And I will honestly tell you that I was just as excited about the 1st pound as I was the 35th.  I have this precious, awesome co-worker/friend that every time she walks by me now, she does this hand motion to signal "Girl you are slimming down" and I LOVE IT!!  It makes my day and motivates me to keep going. 

I think this blog has been the biggest factor in me sticking to something and not giving up or backing down.  The awesome encouragement I have received both in my comments and in my email have been such a blessing and joy.  You beautiful wonderful people.friends..  Today, I celebrate you right along with me - For making me laugh, for pushing me farther, for protecting me when you think I need it and most of all for not making me do this alone.  You have been such an amazing blessing to me. Thank you seems so small but Thank you so much!  I pray continued blessings on your life and your journeys and know that I will always be here to cheer you on as well!! 

"Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!"

Psalm 32:11

Day 35: Blech

 I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning because something DID NOT agree with my tummy!!  Let me just tell you in advance that when you are living on only 500 calories a day, not keeping it down is NOT NOT NOT fun!  This was probably my most challenging day because I usually rely on sprite or something like that when I am not feeling well.  So here I am... miserable, whiny and a bit pathetic.  Okay, a lot pathetic.

  

So to be honest - I don't have a whole lot of anything to write because I spent most of the day either with my head under the covers or on the couch resting so I will see you again tomorrow my dear readers. 

Day 34: The Danger of Circles

Update at Bottom!

Did you know... that The United States is the most obese country in the world?  With all our knowledge, with all our technology and what we have to show for it is FAT - From microwaves to Fast food - We are killing ourselves FAST. 

Do you sometimes feel like this is you?  I know I do!!  Too long, I often felt like I was circling with no direction, telling myself that at least I am getting "some" exercise... Ha!  Right!  I promise you... this does NOT work at all.  It's like walking to Dairy Queen everyday to get the Blizzard; you're still filling your body with junk no matter how you try to justify it.  It would be nice if that were truly the case but it's not.  Round and round we go.  Until we are confused, dizzy, exhausted and not even ourselves anymore. And where do we go from there?  Mother's, Grandmothers, Daughters, Sisters, Aunts, Cousins, the list goes on and we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle - So it's not just about me, it's about my daughter, and my granddaughters and it is time for me to break that cycle for not just my Lifetime but for my Lifeline!!

When facing difficulties, our emotions will always attempt take control. Some might say that their emotions help keep them in life and that they guide us to not to do things or something bad might happen but is that us simply mistaking wisdom for emotions?  The reality is that they certainly don't guide us to success. You see, they only try to rescue or numb us to our immediate situation  that we find ourselves trapped in. They don't have the wisdom to rationalize the possibility of long-term effects on our lives. In other words, these emotions are selfish and don’t really care about your future. They only react to the immediate problems you are facing in the moment and look for the quickest solution, which is how comfort food comes into place.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Life should be lived based on conscious thought, choices and wisdom - NOT EMOTION!! 

Probably the hardest thing in the world is to set your emotions aside and continue on.  To keep going especially when we are feeling emotional.  The biggest question is... How do we do that?  Because here's the thing, you can't just get rid of your emotions - you truly have to learn to let your emotions and your wisdom co-exist together.  Yes it is okay to feel frustration and to even acknowledge it. You just have to decide that in spite of the frustration, you are not going to give in. 

By now, you are probably seriously tired of me using the word choices but it's the reality.  Like when you are eating a salad, do you choose to smother it in dressing or have it on the side?  Do you have dessert every night or just once in a while, Do you really have to have that much cream and sugar in your coffee?  Think about it... and choose wisely. 

Can I get a DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!

1

2

3

4

5 POUNDS!!!  Total weight loss:  35 lbs!!!!

*See what happens when you choose?   :)

Day 33: Reach and Pull

Today was rough for me - Started with a super busy stressful day - to someone moving my lunch and turning it so the juice from my shrimp went all over the rest of my food (Seriously... YUCK) to sitting on the couch with Shaun having him munch on Chips and Salsa and me with my water... I know, pathetic right?  Waaaaaaaaaaa - I just wanted to give in - I mean after all, it's just one little moment - really it's not going to make "that much" of a difference will it?  Well for me, that answer is YES - It will make a difference - it is usually that one single moment when the next moment becomes so much easier to take; and with each step toward "easy" I take a step further away from the me I want to be. 

Pastor Ben tells this story of his daughter when she was younger and how she first learned to swim; they told her to Reach and Pull... Reach and Pull.  He further tells how it was difficult at first - but she just kept reaching and pulling and then suddenly there she was... a little swimmer!  Trust me when I tell you that he tells the story with greater entertainment than I do; but the point I am trying to make is that it is that single idea, the spark of hope is what keeps us going. We don't have to be the Mark Spitz in Life's Olympics - we just have to keep reaching and pulling.  Keep trying, keep swimming. 

There is no magic fix, no magic pill (NO MATTER WHAT THE TV MAY TELL YOU) - there is only dedication, devotion to yourself and determination to keep going.  This is perhaps my biggest struggle to keep those three things in the forefront of my mind and to keep them balanced.  If I am being very transparent - I will tell you that I can be very spoiled in my thinking sometimes, and even at my age, I struggle with feeling both rebellious and sorry for myself.  I wish I didn't and I am actively working at changing this, but it is not easy at all.  There are good days and there are bad days so I focus on minutes rather than days.  And find my encouragement and victories where I can. 

As far as encouragement, look at little Nemo, gimpy fin and all he had a great adventure and changed the life of his father as well.  He believed he was destined for something bigger that the life he was living.  That there was so much more out there waiting for him.  Oh I know I am referencing a Disney Cartoon as an example but really doesn't it beautifully apply?  Shouldn't I have those same determinations and beliefs?  I too easily forget how important it is to hold on - To keep consistent and keep hauling my sorry self back into the gym - to keep making healthy choices - to keep pushing harder toward the goals I have set. 

So Go Nemo Go!!

Day 31: How to Stay Positive, Avoid Temptation & Helpful Tips

I don't know about you... but I plan on doing this EVERY MORNING!!  You go Jessica... You go!

 We have this new gorgeous, sexy steamy hot new coffee machine in the office... and boy did I quickly recognize it for the temptation that it is!!  I am currently actively avoiding it.  You see, it doesn't just make coffee, it makes Mocha's, Hot Chocolate, and so much more and on top of that... the little hussy is from STARBUCKS!!  Mmmmmmm I mean... errrr.  STAY AWAY FROM THAT!!  I used to start every morning with sweet tasty flavored coffee... but now I am a take it straight, no sugar, no cream girl.  (You don't have to be this extreme... I just happen to be allergic to artificial sweeteners)  Soooo sigh... this lovely temptress is not for me. 

So being that I figure I am not the only one dealing with temptations and struggles, today I thought I would share some tips that I am picking up along the way that have really been helping me push past some of the resistance and barriers.  I hope you find them useful... Please feel free to add any you might have in the comments below. 

1.  Make a dessert plate into your dinner plate (This DOES NOT mean eat dessert instead of dinner...lol).  It fools your brain into thinking you are getting more food than you are.

2. 5-6 small HEALTHY meals a day.  You can do it... just try  :)

3. Brush your teeth AFTER EVERY time you eat.  Then you don't have the taste of food in your mouth... Your dentist will be happy with you too ;)

4. It's okay to tell people NO - You will like yourself better in the long run

5. Find one positive thing about yourself each week and focus on that

6. Drink tons of H2o (BTW... do you know the chemical compound of Holy Water?  It's H2OMG)  ;)

7. If you make a mistake - Start again!!!!  The important part isn't whether or not you fall... it's whether or not you GET BACK UP!!

8. Be willing to laugh at yourself and then let it go.  

9. It's okay to tell someone they hurt your feelings or that they are making it hard for you to do this... Gracious Honesty will get you very far.

10. Surround yourself with awesome Cheerleaders (like you guys!!!)

11. FORGIVE yourself (it's easy to beat ourselves up when we fail)

12. Eat slowly - in the end you will feel fuller and more satisfied


The most important tip I have learned is

LOVE YOURSELF!!

 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

Psalm 139: 14

Day 29: - Wrapped in the Positive

Have you ever wondered how just the simplest thing can make the biggest difference? I am constantly reminded how important it is to wrap yourself in positive things. And how that is what can help you stay the course.

I woke up today with the kiddo having a high fever and pretty miserable, which then of course leads to Dr and hospital visits, worry about her, and taking care of her at home... And amidst all this trying to stay on track. For the first time in a while, I really didn't want to stay on course. I really really wanted to throw caution and discipline to the wind.

But then I remembered that my words have the power.  Power to make me fall or the power to be my defining moment. My words, my attitude, my choice. To decide that rather than live life by how I feel, I will live life by how I choose.  So today I made a very conscious (and if I am being honest, difficult) choice to keep going, to keep pushing, to keep believing.

I honestly can't express just how both difficult and defining this journey is being for me.  For some of you who know me, you really know how too quickly I would give up on myself, too often I would procrastinate on making a change, how easy it was for me to invent excuses or how too many times I would trade in the towel for the quick satisfaction of a cheeseburger. Please understand that I am 43 years old and am breaking habits and patterns from years ago, so this is not trite advice but my reality.  So my readers this is why you are taking this journey with me... To keep me on task, to encourage others, to set me free.

So I am wrapping myself in words that lift me up, hold me high and help me find me again.

Monday Challenge: What is the one word that makes you feel good about yourself?

Day 28: Munkinland, Life and 2 Chocolate Cakes... OH MY

So I have a friend at work that makes the most AMAZING cakes they are beautiful and delicious - Sweets are not my weakness but I have to say... hers are.  This week I had to say no to not one, but TWO of her cakes.  In addition, my house was turned into the candy and junk food version of OZ for a birthday party - Some of my favorite nemesis made their appearance. 

Reese's peanut butter cups - Thwap!!!
Croissant wrapped Sausages - Pow!
Cheesy Bread Sticks - Bam!
Salt and Vinegar Potate Chips - Zap!


Ack!  My Kryptonite has arrived!!!  I can't handle this... must have... Wait!!  What???  What's this that is happening?  I have no craving for them?  Really?!?!?  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!  In this particular instance I felt no loss, or being left out of junk food nirvana.  As a matter of fact, I was the one with out the Sugar Rush Revenge or Food Coma Capers.  Aaaaand... When I made my dinner - the people eating greasy nasty (Yes I said nasty) said my looked so much better than theirs.  Bwaaa haaaa haaa

Now I am not so naive to think that it will be this easy every time, but I am going to celebrate this for all it is worth!!!  VICTORY!!  That has been my goal - to celebrate every moment and not a single one slip by.  Because I am worth the celebration and so are you... There is a world of difference between what I used to believe and what I am starting to believe.  I don't want to go back to the old mindset, the old me - I want to keep going forward and see what happens next!!

Thank you my lovely lovely cheerleaders!! :)



Day 26: I can do this

I have an announcement to make...

For the first time since I started this I woke up thinking: "I can do this" - To be honest that is usually the 4th or 5th, 22nd thought I have... So I am pretty excited about this. 



This is a big deal for a few reasons.

1. I am realizing that I really CAN DO THIS!

2. I'm realizing that tweaking my outlook makes a huge difference on how I handle what life throws at me. 

3. The power of Positive Thinking is a real tangible thing.

Now I have never really considered myself a negative person... just a "realist" which means I hope for the best but prepare for the worst...that's not bad... right?  Except that is what led me to my Anticipating Failure attitude.  "I hope I will lose weight but I will buy a size larger just in case"  Bam! Sweet little set-up for failure right there.  I know for me, I didn't even realize I was doing this until I began this journey. 

Life is like an overseas flight - When the plan leaves one country it sets a flight plan from Point A to Point B...simple enough right?  WRONG!  Did you know that a flight NEVER follows that exact flight path and is CONSTANTLY making adjustments along the way.  It has to adjust for air temperature, wind speed, storm warnings, other air craft... etc... If the plan followed the exact plan without those adjustments, they could end up in the wrong destination, they could get caught in a major storm, they could hit another plan.  See what I mean?  How can we start here and expect to make it over there without making those adjustments when life throws us curve balls?  We can't... we have to ADJUST accordingly and keep going. 

It really is that simple... But how can something simple be soooo HARD???  Because we haven't adjusted out thinking.  ;)  So remember:



Day 25: Unstuck!!!

Let's face it - You've tried everything, you've done everything, Excersise, Healthy Eating and... NOTHING
You're STUCK and to be frankly honest... ready to GIVE UP. 

Familiar?  This is was me And I would be lying if I told that everything is now loppipops and roses because on some days, there is that part of me that still wants to rear it's stubborn little head and pull me back into the muck and mire. 

Do you have kids? Do you know how when they are growing we always buy things "a little bigger" to make them last? That had become my life's mentality when shopping for myself. I would try something on and if it was a little tight or even the perfect size I would buy the next size up for "just in case". Let's just call that for what it was... ANTICIPATING FAILURE. You see, I didn't believe enough in myself to think anything other than I was only going to get bigger. I was STUCK ! Stuck by a mental wall that had me convinced this was the best life had to offer.

And it doesn't matter what it is you're facing in life... Stuck is stuck. Whether it's in your finances, your marriage, your job or even your life. If you don't make a conscious decision to push through... You'll be at the same wall five years from now... Only now the wall is bigger and starting to surround you, closing you in and cutting you off from the life God has planned for you. I am learning to not settle for the land of "good enough" because the land of promise is right around the corner!!

Hebrews 6:12 so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Hmmmm Faith AND Patience... Sounds like a hand in hand deal to me. :)

Day 23: Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

My dear readers

I am ashamed to tell you I cheated today!!  You see what happened was...  (Ever notice how all excuses seem to start this way?)  Anywho - Today was the19th anniversary of being married to the most wonderful man on the planet.  And my husband and I had already decided that we would celebrate at the end of my 40 day journey, you know nice dinner, etc... So we got home and my darling children had surprised us and created this lovely little restaurant right in our bedroom.  Cafe De Belden   It was both adorable and romantic. 

My daughter is pretty amazing and she made Dad Pesto Pasta w/Roast Beef tips, These gorgeous soft Dinner Rolls, Veggies and Brownies with whipped cream and chocolate sauce drizzle.  She also made me my 3 oz of steak, cherry tomatoes and my rye crisp cracker - Obviously you can see my point.  He gets all that and I get this?!??!  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!  So if you know me... Of all those things would you think was my weakness?? 

A. The Pasta
B. The Bread
C. The Dessert
D. All of the Above

No peeking... guess first
Seriously... NO PEEKING

(Insert Theme to Jeopardy here)

Ok... ok... Guess already!!!



Well my readers, if you selected B you know me very well indeed!!!  I am French, so warm fresh bread?  Look out world!!

The Undeniable Evidence: 

Yes you caught me - I had 1/2 of a homemade dinner roll.... Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I would like to deny it and even perhaps hide it but this is about being real... right?  SO if I am being real I have to say... It was amazing!!!  But I am also proud to say:

1. It was only 1/2 and even though I wanted to... I went no further
2. I am still committed and dedicated to continue this journey

I am telling you this because sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we fall... The important thing is that we get back up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward. 





Day 22: Promises and Posibilities

There is this song that I remember from when I was a kid... it goes:

"I am a promise
I am a possiblity
I am a great big bundle of
Potentiality"

I woke up this morning with this in my head... wow!  Do you remember being a kid and thinking just about anything was possible... Recently, my 18 year old told me he has all these dreams and begin to lay them our for me. Intially I want to tell him to slow down because there is NO WAY he can do them all but really, how do I know that?  I am not him and I don't ever want to be that parent that crushes the hopes and dreams budding inside him.  Soooo this begs the question... If I am so great at encouraging him... why not myself, why not my friends? 

So here I am at day 22:  Update - I still see dancing food on ocasion but they are more like a mirage vs a personal lap dance.  I still get frustrated, I still want chocolate (but not as much as I thought I would) and I still have days when I just want to give it up, go back to the old ways and not fight but they are fewer than when I started.  I still believe in what I am doing, I still want a new me and I still keep pushing forward and those days are more frequent... so I am starting to see (as every so slight as it may be...) a shift in my thinking.  And that my friends is progress..



Currently I am doing the ever so EVIL beach body workout, steps, Dance your way to health and the BL workout (Hey I need variety!!); Thursday I start ZUMBA (even the name terrifies me) - I will let you know how that goes.  But I know this; that we (YOU AND ME) are worth it!!  :)   We are full of potential, promise and possibility!!!  Grab for it and don't give up!! 

I can't promise miracles, quick fixes or an easy way out... but I will promise you a pretty darn good cheerlaeader/encourager if you decide you need one... Put it this way:

I am no prince
I am no saint
I am not anyone's wildest dreams
but I will stand behind
and be someone to fall back on

'Someone to Fall Back On' Aly Michalka

What are you waiting for???

Tuesday's Challenge:  Encourage someone today! 





Day 21: Fake it till you Make it

Crash!  Boom! Thwack! ERGH!  help... These are coming noises in the battle of the bulge - Some I can't wait to be gone for good!!

Crash! (Trying to squeeze my tush between two shelves and knocking something over)
Boom! (Falling on my tush when doing aerobics *Pretty sure the neighbors thought it was an earthquake)
Thwack! (Hitting myself in the face with the thera-band... OUCH)
ERGH!  (Pushing though, pushing through, pushing... passing out)

Oh if only it were this simple:

But it's not... The reality is that it takes HARD WORK (YIKES!)  It's kinda like expecting to breathe without oxygen.  It's not going to work very well...  So yesterday - I DID NOT want to work out... so I didn't...  And I actually woke up more sore than I have in a while (lesson learned) - Trust me I am not (and most likely will never be) the next triathlete, but I will be true to me.  And sometimes when you are fighting for something it means you are fighting against yourself.  That little rebellious brat that hides inside of us just waiting to rear its stubborn head.  So this morning I had to give it a good talking too:

Me:  "Ok, we're on Day 21 - Yesterday was not a day to give up."

Brat: "I don't care, I hate exercise and I MISS CHOCOLATE!!!"

Me: "I miss chocolate too but I miss me more... so let's get back on track"

Brat: "You can't make me... I will do what I want - who cares anyway"

Me:  "There are a lot of people care but even if it was just me... that's enough... so get up and get to it"

Brat: "Fine but I don't have to like it!!!"

And that just about sums it up... I don't have to like it... I just have to do it.  I hate taking vitamins but they are an important part of my health so I take them anyway... there are some days (keeping it real) that I may not like work very much, but I like and NEED my paycheck so I come in and give my best.  And I am learning... trust me... I am learning that the more I apply myself, the more I do it with a smile in spite of the situation, the more the rest of me falls into line like it should.  So yes, sometimes,

I FAKE IT TIL I MAKE IT. 

Until my dreams line up with my reality... I will not give up!!!  So let's go!! Let's Step!  Let's move!!!  Let's Live!!!

“I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God.”

Psalm 139:14

So right now I am focusing on the wonderfully and 86ing the fearfully  ;)  No, seriously, each of us are amazing if we just open our eyes and look... See us for who we are... Love us for how He made us. 

MONDAY BLUES CHALLENGE:  Comment Below (Or email me) 1 Amazing thing you like about yourself... Can't wait to see what you have to say!!! 

Day 18: Playground School Rules

So a little bit of a rough day on an emotional level today.  Proud to say that even though, I DID NOT want to... I stuck to my guns and didn't slip or fall off the health wagon.  But it was a really tough choice to make today. 



Do you remember grade school?  Do you remember bullies?  You know, the kids that feel the need to prove their superiority through meanness and/or force?  And how sometimes, if a teacher wasn't near by, the playground could be a terrifying place?  Do you ever wonder what happens to them when they grow up? 

Perhaps they became those people you work with that always have something negative to say about someone else, or those people at church that always want to "share" (and it always seems that if it is especially vicious... they are sharing "in love").  Perhaps they are you.  I think most women (much more than men) do this to each other at some level, and I truly wish I understood why.  Sometimes we do it because we feel like we are "fighting back" and sometimes we are starting the fight ourselves.  Then we justify it, and say it's something other than what it really is... Hurtful Vicious Gossip.

Yes I am fully aware that it was my own complacency that got me here in the first place.  I am aware that change will not be easy and had I done it correct the first time - I would not be fighting my way back now.  I know that I don't shop at the best stores... (but sometimes Wal-mart really is the only thing that fits into the budget).  I am also aware that what you say to my face (or behind my back) shouldn't matter... but sometimes?  For at least a little while... it does.  Then I bounce back up like a Weeble Wobble and life is amazing again. (some of you are like: "Huh?  A what??") 

This is a Weeble - we weeble, we wobble but we DON'T fall down!! :)



If you are one of these people... Just Stop.  Grow up, Please deal with your emotional wounds and allow youself to heal and move on with your life.  I am truly sorry that something happened in your life that hurt you so deeply that to hide it and/or not deal with it you have to hurt the people around you, but that's not okay.  If you just let it go, you will see that you have so much to offer to yourself and others.  You know, as women, we should encourage each other, hold each other up and cheer each other on!!  life is hard so why make it harder on ourselves and those around us.  Just so you know, I would be foolish to think that I am immune or exempt from this myself so this is my new goal, to ask myself 4 questions before I open my mouth:

1. Is it edifying?

2. Is it encouraging?

3. Is it my business?

4. Is it true?

You'll notice, that in this rare case, truth is at the bottom, because if the truth is painful and it's not my business then, other than pray for that peron, I should leave it alone!!! 

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose."

Proverbs 18:21 

So think about the words that you use and how you are using them BEFORE you use them. 

Day 17: The Poison of Complacency

"Complacency's a poison

Taken one drop at a time

Fools our hearts in thinking

That every thing's just fine"

Complacency:  A feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect or the like. 


You know how if you haven't seen someone for months or years and the have either gained or lost a bunch of weight? To you, the change is instantaneous but to them and usually those around them, the change is gradual... This is the perfect example of complacency. Sometimes we "don't know" (or at the very least, it is easier to "pretend" we don't know) that we are changing if it happens gradually. Sometimes on a physical level, sometimes mental/spiritual/emotional levels. Here's the thing. You can't change one thing without it affecting everything around it on some level. If you are complacent about your health, chances are it has already bled over into other areas of your life.

Take being a parent for example, you want to be a good Mom... You love you kids, but your health is in such poor shape that you just don't have the energy to stand your ground with them so you give in to them a lot more than you should and before you know it, your children are starting to feel out of control. So now your kids are starting to be affected by it too. Or your house is always messy because you are too tired to clean it, it is now affecting your home life.  Or you love your husband but you're either too tired or too insecure to make love...  and since intimacy is one of the strong foundations for a great marriage, your marriage is being affected by it too... Starting to get the picture?

Please trust me when I say I KNOW that if you are like me, that exhaustion is genuine, the thing is... It doesn't make it OK.   I hope like me, you are starting to see that it's not just "your" health because it affects those around you.  And with that knowledge comes those two words that I am having a love hate relationship with... Choice and Responsibility.  Are you going to do something with that knowledge or continue with your head stuck in the sand.  I know for me... until my tush is a lot smaller... that is the LAST thing I want sticking up in the air for the world to see.  :P

"For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacency of fools destroys them;"

Proverbs 1:32

I don't know about you... but OUCH! I certainly don't want to be considered a fool and I certainly don't want it to affect the people I love!!  Now, this absolutely does not apply only to people who are dealing with weight issues.  There are many areas and ways that we can be complacent in our lives, the key is to be AWARE and AVOID them. 

Thursday Challenge:  List in comments  below (or you can email me)one thing you are complacent about that you would like to change. 

Day 16: The Skinny Stall!!!

I didn't realize how much -20 lbs can make a difference!!!  Maybe it's 30% weight loss, 30% Confidence and 20% Spirit of Adventure...   I am learning to not only claim but enjoy the small victories in life. 
Now my dear readers there are some of you who will understand this and some of you that will scratch your head and say: "Huh"?  First off let me start by saying that  that I am learning that some of those victories may be more transparent (and just a tad bit embarrassing) than others. Sooooo here goes:

The most recent thing I discovered is that I can comfortably use the small stalls in the ladies restroom.  Now this is a big deal for two reasons.

1. I don't know why... (perhaps one of you can enlighten me) but you skinny girls always "# 2" (sorry about that) in the big bathroom... so if you really have to use the restroom and are not comfortable in the smaller stalls you end up doing a very entertaining pee pee dance.
2. There is usually only 1 to 2 bigger stalls so if there is a line, forget it (unless you want to make it "obvious"..)

Yes I am doing the Snoopy dance right now!!  (Feel Free to Join me!!)    :)

Like I said,  some of you may not understand this... but trust me when I say this is a BIG DEAL!  (How's that for keeping it real?)  To best describe this feeling I give you this:

The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain... but the lion told me I must undress first. I was going to say that I couldn't because I hadn't any clothes on when suddenly I thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes shed their skin...

So I started scratching myself and my scales began to come off all over the place... 

But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly still. Oh, that's all right said I, it only means I have another smaller suit underneath. So I scratched and tore again and this under skin peeled off beautifully. I left it lying beside the other one and headed down to the water...

Well exactly the same thing happened again. So I scratched away for a third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will just have to let me undress you'. I was afraid of it's claws but I can tell you I was pretty desperate. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the please of feel the stuff peel away.... And then suddenly, there I was, just me...

Excerpt from:  'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' C.S.Lewis

This is me... and how I feel!!  At times I certainly feel like I am being "pulled" at in all directions but it's not a bad feeling, it's the feeling of change and FREEDOM.  The old layers of myself are being shed and there is a brand new me inside.  I can't wait to see her when she finally arrives!!  And I am learning that the more the inside begins to change, the more the outside wants to follow. 

 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Psalm 51:10

Change is always on the horizon!!!  Be ready and willing to let it take you where God wants you next!!