Day 36: It's the Final Countdown

I have 5 days left... 5 days folks... count em - okay this isn't Sesame Street so I don't "really" expect you to count them.  But still 5 more days and I am through the 1st 40 days!!  I am very pleased with myself for sticking with it and believe or not, I am pretty excited about the next 40 days to come.  I  Recently, noticed that  it has become clear to me that before this I have never spent much time celebrating my accomplishments.  Sure, there is always a little ‘Woo Hoo!’ but the minute that is over, I seem to move on and forget as if nothing special ever happened.  Maybe that is why this has been so important for me to celebrate every victory in this journey.

From Skinny Girl Stalls to discovering those ever so slightly showing curves again, I have to be honest and say that for the first time in a very long time I am proud of the woman I am becoming, the choices and changes I am making and I am beginning to like me again.  These changes have not been easy, but they have been worth it. This is huge because that hasn't happened in a very long while.  So are you ready?  Do you know what's coming next?  Come on.. Guess... You know it!!  It's time for...

The Happy Dance!!!

 

 

Oh, yeah uh huh...   doo dee dah..  la la la

 

Oh wait... where was I?  Sorry about that... Got a little carried away for a second.  So back to what I was saying... Celebrate every accomplishment and be proud of it.  From getting a thank you for going the extra mile to getting a promotion... From losing 1 pound to losing 35.  It's those moments that make it all work while.  And I will honestly tell you that I was just as excited about the 1st pound as I was the 35th.  I have this precious, awesome co-worker/friend that every time she walks by me now, she does this hand motion to signal "Girl you are slimming down" and I LOVE IT!!  It makes my day and motivates me to keep going. 

I think this blog has been the biggest factor in me sticking to something and not giving up or backing down.  The awesome encouragement I have received both in my comments and in my email have been such a blessing and joy.  You beautiful wonderful people.friends..  Today, I celebrate you right along with me - For making me laugh, for pushing me farther, for protecting me when you think I need it and most of all for not making me do this alone.  You have been such an amazing blessing to me. Thank you seems so small but Thank you so much!  I pray continued blessings on your life and your journeys and know that I will always be here to cheer you on as well!! 

"Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!"

Psalm 32:11

Day 35: Blech

 I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning because something DID NOT agree with my tummy!!  Let me just tell you in advance that when you are living on only 500 calories a day, not keeping it down is NOT NOT NOT fun!  This was probably my most challenging day because I usually rely on sprite or something like that when I am not feeling well.  So here I am... miserable, whiny and a bit pathetic.  Okay, a lot pathetic.

  

So to be honest - I don't have a whole lot of anything to write because I spent most of the day either with my head under the covers or on the couch resting so I will see you again tomorrow my dear readers. 

Day 34: The Danger of Circles

Update at Bottom!

Did you know... that The United States is the most obese country in the world?  With all our knowledge, with all our technology and what we have to show for it is FAT - From microwaves to Fast food - We are killing ourselves FAST. 

Do you sometimes feel like this is you?  I know I do!!  Too long, I often felt like I was circling with no direction, telling myself that at least I am getting "some" exercise... Ha!  Right!  I promise you... this does NOT work at all.  It's like walking to Dairy Queen everyday to get the Blizzard; you're still filling your body with junk no matter how you try to justify it.  It would be nice if that were truly the case but it's not.  Round and round we go.  Until we are confused, dizzy, exhausted and not even ourselves anymore. And where do we go from there?  Mother's, Grandmothers, Daughters, Sisters, Aunts, Cousins, the list goes on and we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle - So it's not just about me, it's about my daughter, and my granddaughters and it is time for me to break that cycle for not just my Lifetime but for my Lifeline!!

When facing difficulties, our emotions will always attempt take control. Some might say that their emotions help keep them in life and that they guide us to not to do things or something bad might happen but is that us simply mistaking wisdom for emotions?  The reality is that they certainly don't guide us to success. You see, they only try to rescue or numb us to our immediate situation  that we find ourselves trapped in. They don't have the wisdom to rationalize the possibility of long-term effects on our lives. In other words, these emotions are selfish and don’t really care about your future. They only react to the immediate problems you are facing in the moment and look for the quickest solution, which is how comfort food comes into place.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Life should be lived based on conscious thought, choices and wisdom - NOT EMOTION!! 

Probably the hardest thing in the world is to set your emotions aside and continue on.  To keep going especially when we are feeling emotional.  The biggest question is... How do we do that?  Because here's the thing, you can't just get rid of your emotions - you truly have to learn to let your emotions and your wisdom co-exist together.  Yes it is okay to feel frustration and to even acknowledge it. You just have to decide that in spite of the frustration, you are not going to give in. 

By now, you are probably seriously tired of me using the word choices but it's the reality.  Like when you are eating a salad, do you choose to smother it in dressing or have it on the side?  Do you have dessert every night or just once in a while, Do you really have to have that much cream and sugar in your coffee?  Think about it... and choose wisely. 

Can I get a DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!

1

2

3

4

5 POUNDS!!!  Total weight loss:  35 lbs!!!!

*See what happens when you choose?   :)

Day 33: Reach and Pull

Today was rough for me - Started with a super busy stressful day - to someone moving my lunch and turning it so the juice from my shrimp went all over the rest of my food (Seriously... YUCK) to sitting on the couch with Shaun having him munch on Chips and Salsa and me with my water... I know, pathetic right?  Waaaaaaaaaaa - I just wanted to give in - I mean after all, it's just one little moment - really it's not going to make "that much" of a difference will it?  Well for me, that answer is YES - It will make a difference - it is usually that one single moment when the next moment becomes so much easier to take; and with each step toward "easy" I take a step further away from the me I want to be. 

Pastor Ben tells this story of his daughter when she was younger and how she first learned to swim; they told her to Reach and Pull... Reach and Pull.  He further tells how it was difficult at first - but she just kept reaching and pulling and then suddenly there she was... a little swimmer!  Trust me when I tell you that he tells the story with greater entertainment than I do; but the point I am trying to make is that it is that single idea, the spark of hope is what keeps us going. We don't have to be the Mark Spitz in Life's Olympics - we just have to keep reaching and pulling.  Keep trying, keep swimming. 

There is no magic fix, no magic pill (NO MATTER WHAT THE TV MAY TELL YOU) - there is only dedication, devotion to yourself and determination to keep going.  This is perhaps my biggest struggle to keep those three things in the forefront of my mind and to keep them balanced.  If I am being very transparent - I will tell you that I can be very spoiled in my thinking sometimes, and even at my age, I struggle with feeling both rebellious and sorry for myself.  I wish I didn't and I am actively working at changing this, but it is not easy at all.  There are good days and there are bad days so I focus on minutes rather than days.  And find my encouragement and victories where I can. 

As far as encouragement, look at little Nemo, gimpy fin and all he had a great adventure and changed the life of his father as well.  He believed he was destined for something bigger that the life he was living.  That there was so much more out there waiting for him.  Oh I know I am referencing a Disney Cartoon as an example but really doesn't it beautifully apply?  Shouldn't I have those same determinations and beliefs?  I too easily forget how important it is to hold on - To keep consistent and keep hauling my sorry self back into the gym - to keep making healthy choices - to keep pushing harder toward the goals I have set. 

So Go Nemo Go!!

Day 32: That Lovely Brass Ring



Some days you feel like your goals are completely attainable - while other days you just feel like you are constantly reaching to no avail.  Today was one of those days for me... I just felt like with my wonderful  kids, my terrific job and even my amazing husband - All I was doing was reaching.  And then you start to wonder, just what are you reaching for?  What is that elusive prize that keeps me going?  And that right there is the key... To keep reminding myself of the prize.  And in this case - the prize is me...

So how often do we decide that we are worth it?  That the personal sacrifice is worth the personal success and gain.  To many times we run from the hard stuff, because it's easier than dealing with it.  It is easier to put it off then to jump in.  Its like this - when you are getting into cold water people do it one of two ways.  They either jump in all at once or take it one step at a time.  Either way, the longer you stand there doing nothing... nothing changes.  That's the harsh reality, but I am not here to sugar coat it, because that would make it easier for you and I to continue to do nothing. 

I want to feel pretty again, I want to feel like me again and that isn't going to happen as long as I keep avoiding mirrors and avoiding me.  Life is not something that you can run from because eventually it will catch up with you whether you want it to or not. This is true about so much more than weight and health - it's true about every single aspect of your life, every moment, every decision.  It's just a decision that YOU (and me) have to make and then be faithful to yourself.  Find your dream, find your moment and use it everyday... For this girl it's to windsurf again - to make my life whole again - To take wind and wave in my hair and be free. 



Day 31: How to Stay Positive, Avoid Temptation & Helpful Tips

I don't know about you... but I plan on doing this EVERY MORNING!!  You go Jessica... You go!

 We have this new gorgeous, sexy steamy hot new coffee machine in the office... and boy did I quickly recognize it for the temptation that it is!!  I am currently actively avoiding it.  You see, it doesn't just make coffee, it makes Mocha's, Hot Chocolate, and so much more and on top of that... the little hussy is from STARBUCKS!!  Mmmmmmm I mean... errrr.  STAY AWAY FROM THAT!!  I used to start every morning with sweet tasty flavored coffee... but now I am a take it straight, no sugar, no cream girl.  (You don't have to be this extreme... I just happen to be allergic to artificial sweeteners)  Soooo sigh... this lovely temptress is not for me. 

So being that I figure I am not the only one dealing with temptations and struggles, today I thought I would share some tips that I am picking up along the way that have really been helping me push past some of the resistance and barriers.  I hope you find them useful... Please feel free to add any you might have in the comments below. 

1.  Make a dessert plate into your dinner plate (This DOES NOT mean eat dessert instead of dinner...lol).  It fools your brain into thinking you are getting more food than you are.

2. 5-6 small HEALTHY meals a day.  You can do it... just try  :)

3. Brush your teeth AFTER EVERY time you eat.  Then you don't have the taste of food in your mouth... Your dentist will be happy with you too ;)

4. It's okay to tell people NO - You will like yourself better in the long run

5. Find one positive thing about yourself each week and focus on that

6. Drink tons of H2o (BTW... do you know the chemical compound of Holy Water?  It's H2OMG)  ;)

7. If you make a mistake - Start again!!!!  The important part isn't whether or not you fall... it's whether or not you GET BACK UP!!

8. Be willing to laugh at yourself and then let it go.  

9. It's okay to tell someone they hurt your feelings or that they are making it hard for you to do this... Gracious Honesty will get you very far.

10. Surround yourself with awesome Cheerleaders (like you guys!!!)

11. FORGIVE yourself (it's easy to beat ourselves up when we fail)

12. Eat slowly - in the end you will feel fuller and more satisfied


The most important tip I have learned is

LOVE YOURSELF!!

 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

Psalm 139: 14

Day 30: Let the Countdown Begin

I am in the final stretch of my first 40 days... then 3 weeks off and my next 40 days.  I am a little scared about the three weeks because I will really have to make some conscious choices without the safe holds and guard rails.   In a way it almost feels like I moved out for the first time.  There is both excitement and nervousness.  My inner rebellious child keeps whispering treats into my ears and I want to make sure that she keeps her voice down. This is definitely going to be a balancing act on my part - finding that balance between healthy choices and tempting treats. 

I think that the biggest difference from when I started is that I KNOW this takes work, I KNOW this is a lifetime commitment but most importantly,  I KNOW this is possible.  The further into this journey I get, the less I want to turn around and go back the way I came.  Oh I know this is just the beginning.  This is not a quick walk around the block (WITHOUT stopping at the ice cream truck).  I also know that I had reached a point where I didn't even like me anymore.  I wanted to be anyone but me... AND right now today?  I think I pretty much rock.  :)

Let's be real... When you need to lose as much weight as I do... 30 pounds is nothing... but just wait until I hit 60!  Because it is GOING to happen!   I honestly can't tell you what I am more pleased about.  The actual weight loss or the fact that for a month now I have actually committed to this and stuck with it!! I honestly think it is the later.  I finally feel like I am gaining a foothold on the defeatist attitude that had smothered me for so long. Looking back now it was like being held under dark murky water with just a tiny measure of oxygen to sustain you. And you are taking the smallest amount of breath that you can to survive. Sometimes feeling dizzy and like the next breath you take will be your last. And then someone reaches out and pulls you out of the water and you take your first real breath in a long time. The sharp pain hits your lungs as you draw it in… but it is a good pain, a healing pain… and the pain reminds you that you are alive! 

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed"

John 8:36

 Can you smell it?  Can you feel it?  Freedom is come... Reach for it