Day 11: Life Lessons from a Grapefruit & Family Arguments

So, how transparent am I willing to be?  That's the real question here.  Do I just keep this about losing weight and lifestyle changes or do I include the hiccups that present me with challenges?  Well if I really want to change and I really want to make this permanent.  Then I need to be very real.  Soooooo...

On an emotional level, today was NOT a good day.  And I had to make a conscious, calculated choice to not run to food for comfort.  Until I committed myself to this... I hadn't even recognized that as a pattern in my life.  That I wanted needed something to make me feel better in the moment... that it was easier than dealing with the actual issues that are going on in my life.  That food could make me feel better and fulfill what I felt like was missing. 

To make a long story short I had a pretty major argument with my son to the point of him raising his voice at me and when I asked him not to; then he said something that really hit and hurt me. He said: "Mom, you care so much about people thinking we are the "perfect" family."  Do I?  Immediately I wanted to deny it... but at some level don't we all?  So I had to really ask myself...  Am I pursuing the "picture of perfection" or genuine perfection?  Because if I am after the picture instead of the genuine article I am doing more damage than good to myself and my family.  So here it is... I have great teenagers but sometimes... sometimes the only thing keeping them alive is that Jesus never said I was supposed to have a prison ministry.  Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed that I want to hide under the covers and cry... But maybe... just maybe this doesn't make me weak... it just makes me human.

The best way for me to explain this is: Gracie was trying to help Mom out and packed my lunch this morning and the cut the grapefruit in the wrong direction (Yes... it's that darn grapefruit again).  And as I was eating it I realized something... The good fruit is still inside, I just had to work harder to get at it.  Wow... so much like life.  The good in our life is right inside us... but sometimes, we just have to work harder to find it.  To peel back the layers of the old us to find the new us hiding inside.  And we need to realize that the good inside is a little bit fragile and that we need to nurture it and love it for it to grow stronger.  And we are not doing this alone!!  I know that I need to rely less on myself and more on Him. 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I am holding on to this and pray that you do too!  :)